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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Predicament (03/01/12)

TITLE: My God Journal
By Martha Black


“Oh God, I’m so down! Did you hear what my daughter just said? ‘Mom, I’m pregnant!’ God, she’s only nineteen. This will change her life! Forever! I’ve got to turn my attention to her, to comfort and hold her, but I can’t do that without you!”

“Oh God, her intent was keep this child. Every mother should to be able to keep her child. But as the weeks have gone by, she has experienced the attitude of her father whose cry is, ‘How dare you do this to us! This will be a dirty child!’ What would her father’s unforgiving spirit do to her young child? Slowly she comes to the knowledge that this child she holds under her heart will not be hers to nurture. She is devastated.”

“Oh God, she made arrangements at a home for unwed mothers. With great courage, she did this on her own. Together we visited this home for girls with inconvenient pregnancies. How difficult to see all those young girls with their bulging bellies and know that my daughter would soon look like that.”

“Oh God, I put my two younger girls in school and rush to the town where my pregnant daughter is. We can spend the day together, going places and talking about many things. What we do not talk about is the grandchild that I may never see or hold. Then I rush home so that my younger girls will not find out what is going on.”

“Oh God, I’m so restless this morning. Something is different. I placed a call to my daughter and found her in the hospital. She has given birth to my first grandchild, a grandson. Oh God, the time of decision has come.”

“Oh God, my mother and I go to the hospital to visit my daughter on her day of great decision. Today is the day that she will hold her son, and then decide if she will sign the papers giving her child to strangers. What a horrible decision to make when you feel that you are being forced to make it because of someone’s unforgiving attitude. My mother and I go to lunch while my daughter holds her son. When we return, she walks past us, unseeing and broken. The decision has been made. The papers have been signed. This is the downest down we have ever known.”

“Oh my Lord, this has been a hard journey, but in it the paradox of the Christian life kicked in. In the worst of our downward slide, you swept us up to the highest heavens in the knowledge that you were in charge, and your will was done.”

“Oh my Lord how does peace and pain walk the same pathway? You and You alone know! From the first, I prayed what Jesus prayed, ‘Father, not my will but Thine be done.’ For months, I begged you not to take my first grandchild, but then my tears dried with the peace that swept me upward as I prayed this prayer over and over.”

“Oh my Lord, I’ve always heard the term ‘heartache,’ but I never knew it was a literal thing. There were times when my pain was so intense that I walked the streets asking you to let me die. You did not! Instead you came with your lovely presence and lifted my eyes toward you.
Oh my Lord, You taught me things that kept me from wallowing fulltime in my pain. In the story of Lazarus, You taught me that Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus, but Mary hurt, so Jesus hurt. Mary cried, so Jesus cried. From that moment, when I cried, I knew that You were crying with me. What an uplifting difference that made.

Oh my Lord, another lesson you taught was when Jesus walked on the water toward his disciples during a raging storm. His disciples panicked when they saw Him and thought He was a ghost. He calmed their fears and calmed their storm. That taught me that in our life storms, we can focus more on the storm than on Jesus, but if we focus on Jesus, with the upsweep of His hand, He can calm our fiercest storm.

Oh my Lord, Satan takes great pleasure in sowing every sort of sorrow into our lives, but, praise you Lord, you give us a harvest of calmness, peace, and joy, knowing your will has been done!

Life, life with you God, has gone on.”

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This article has been read 319 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Cynthia Carter03/08/12
You put alot of emotion in this one. I could feel the pain but I could feel the trust building too. Good job describing those emotions.
C D Swanson 03/09/12
I simply loved this entry. Wonderful heart and soul in this entire piece. It stirred my emotions. Thank you so much.

My favorite line: "...but if we focus on Jesus, with the upsweep of His hand, He can calm our fiercest storm."

God Bless you~
Mildred Sheldon03/09/12
Such a beautiful, tender emotion filled entry. It tugged on my heart strings and I could feel the pain. Thank you and God bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/15/12
Congratulations for placing 9th in level 2!