The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/09/12
What a beautiful and unique way of presenting an entry. I loved the way you maintained the dialogue throughout the story. Very good. I loved it! Beautiful emotions...loved how you showed the "inner feelings of each character."

Great job and wonderful inspiring message.

God Bless you~
03/09/12
What a unique entry. I thoroughly enjoyed how you presented the dialogue of each person. Good job. Thanks and God bless.
03/13/12
This is really interesting. I love the little snippets into the thoughts of different people's mind. I think this is quite creative.

I noticed some little things like ok should either be written out -- okay or both letters in capitals -- OK I did enjoy how you did little peeps into other thoughts but I wanted more. Like why did David dislike Jeff. Maybe if you wrote it either like a screenplay or had it read like a story it might answer those questions while painting a picture for the reader. Something like this Jeff inched down the pew and took a seat. He startled when he recognized the beautiful blonde in front of him. Then in italics you could put his thoughts then continue on with narration like Stacey wiggled to make herself uncomfortable. The hairs on the back of her neck alerted her. Her jaw dropped when she noticed her old boyfriend. Then go into his thought.

I do appreciate the nontraditional format and find it refreshing in spite of my previous comments. My thought is I so like the characters and am drawn to them and want to know so much more. This is a good thing, it's not easy to whet the reader's appetite like this. I just was pondering some ways to possibly get more information in with the limited word count.

You did a great job of making the story all about the topic. The ending was spectacular! I love how you showed the ways God can work in our lives. We never know how he may use our prayers but there is no doubt that He is looking out for us and hungering for a relationship. The title is perfect.
03/15/12
Congratulations!

Blessings~
03/15/12
Congratulations on your HC and on placing 20th overall!