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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Predicament (03/01/12)

TITLE: Hunger For Truth
By Sherry Castelluccio
03/03/12


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Jeff
Oh my gosh. I know that girl! That’s Stacey and she just walked right past me. I wonder if she recognized me. I would probably avoid me too if I were her. Man, she looks exactly the way I remember. After ten years I would expect a gray hair or a few extra pounds or something. She still looks great and she’s obviously happy. What is she doing here anyway? I wonder if I can sneak out the back without talking to her…

Stacey
Holy smokes, was that Jeff? Let’s see…wow, it was him! His name is right here on the list. What is he doing here and how did I not recognize him? This is the last place I would expect to see him. I hope he’s ok. Now where did he disappear to? Wasn’t he just here a minute ago? I would love to talk to him again. I wonder if he still has the Bible I gave him…

Jeff
Crud, she’s going to talk to me. What should I say? Um, I’m sorry I was a jerk and broke your heart? How about, ‘Gee, you look great! Who is this David you married? Does he make you laugh like I used to?’ Oh! I got it! ‘Hey, good looking. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?’ Man, I am such a moron…

Stacey
Wow. I can’t decide if talking to Jeff was a wise choice or not. My heart breaks for him. I was hoping he would be raising a family by now. Why did I have to run into him here of all places? I probably bagged his groceries, for pity’s sake! At least I prayed over the food. That makes me feel a little better. He’s going to get the Word of God one way or another, that’s for sure. How did he end up in this predicament anyway? I hope he comes back. I hope I never see him again…

David
That’s the guy she went out with? Evidently she raised her expectations after they broke up. Just to be safe, I better remind him who she married…

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeff
Hey Beautiful. You look even better than the last time I saw you. Mmmm, you smell good too. You must be wearing new perfume. I’m looking forward to hearing you sing tonight. I cannot believe I never knew that about you. Your husband is a lucky man. Speaking of which, I should probably sit a few rows toward the back next time. I don’t like the way he’s looking at me. This is an interesting bind to be in…

Stacey
Oh good grief, he’s sitting right behind me. Could it get any more awkward and why is David giving him the evil eye? Am I missing something? I wonder if Jeff knows I pray for him every night. I really hope he listens to the sermon and lets it sink into his spirit. I would love to see him get saved…

Jeff
Man, I wish this guy would stop talking. I understand what the pastor is trying to do. I get it. But is it really necessary to make us all listen to some Jesus freak before we get our food? Isn’t it humiliating enough that we’re all here anyway? I really need to get a job. Hey, at least I have something to look forward to the next time I come. The weather is getting warmer and Stacey hasn’t changed a bit…

Stacey
God, why do I feel so uncomfortable? I don’t think I’m going to let Jeff hug me anymore. In fact, I might just hide out in the back and hand out food. When I said I wanted to see the guy in church this is not what I meant. How did I end up in this predicament and how do I get out of it? I wish I didn’t care so much about what happens to him. Please talk to him. He needs you…

David
Dear God,
You know how badly I want to beat this guy up. Please help me keep my hands and my comments to myself. He needs a good dose of the Holy Ghost. Amen…

Jeff’s Wife
Dear God,
For the first time in my life I feel truly alive. Thank you for saving me! Would you please talk to my husband? I know he only comes here for the food but he’s also hungry for so much more. Amen…


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This article has been read 205 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 03/09/12
What a beautiful and unique way of presenting an entry. I loved the way you maintained the dialogue throughout the story. Very good. I loved it! Beautiful emotions...loved how you showed the "inner feelings of each character."

Great job and wonderful inspiring message.

God Bless you~
Mildred Sheldon03/09/12
What a unique entry. I thoroughly enjoyed how you presented the dialogue of each person. Good job. Thanks and God bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/13/12
This is really interesting. I love the little snippets into the thoughts of different people's mind. I think this is quite creative.

I noticed some little things like ok should either be written out -- okay or both letters in capitals -- OK I did enjoy how you did little peeps into other thoughts but I wanted more. Like why did David dislike Jeff. Maybe if you wrote it either like a screenplay or had it read like a story it might answer those questions while painting a picture for the reader. Something like this Jeff inched down the pew and took a seat. He startled when he recognized the beautiful blonde in front of him. Then in italics you could put his thoughts then continue on with narration like Stacey wiggled to make herself uncomfortable. The hairs on the back of her neck alerted her. Her jaw dropped when she noticed her old boyfriend. Then go into his thought.

I do appreciate the nontraditional format and find it refreshing in spite of my previous comments. My thought is I so like the characters and am drawn to them and want to know so much more. This is a good thing, it's not easy to whet the reader's appetite like this. I just was pondering some ways to possibly get more information in with the limited word count.

You did a great job of making the story all about the topic. The ending was spectacular! I love how you showed the ways God can work in our lives. We never know how he may use our prayers but there is no doubt that He is looking out for us and hungering for a relationship. The title is perfect.
CD Swanson 03/15/12
Congratulations!

Blessings~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/15/12
Congratulations on your HC and on placing 20th overall!