The Official Writing Challenge
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01/26/12
Ahhh...poor Frankie! Oh, the pains of growing up.

I like how he feels and thinks older than his age. It's only when she mentions it, that he is aware of the difference.
01/26/12
This was so well written! Beautifully descriptive, larger than life characterizations, and a heart breaking situation.

Poor little guy-his heart was shattered within his chest-and he didn't even see it coming.

Sweet, and brilliant. I loved this piece. Excellent job. God Bless~
01/27/12
I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for all the tea in China! For many of us that was a painful time. You illustrated masterfully the pain of the one bring hurt and the one causing the hurt. Good job!
01/27/12
My heart broke for both of them! For her trying to let him know going into unknown territory she needed to scale back and for him in not caring what world she lived as long as he was a part of it. Great job in capturing the emotions of being a teen.
01/31/12
What a delightful little tale. I enjoyed your character depictions, and especially loved this line:

"Francis grinned from cheek to freckled cheek as he tightened his grimy grip and followed her down."

If I had to make a comment, which I don't, but I think I will anyway--I noticed a plentiful supply of adjectives. (However, I once receved a yellow box comment saying I had too many adjectives and that piece did rather, exceptionally, well, so, who knows?)

I love your sense of writing style, your tone and voice, and that very last line made me laugh out loud.
This is a great story. The opening paragraph painted such a vivid picture for me. It was spot on the topic and done in a wonderful way that youth can be so awful (did that make sense? it is a compliment:)

You use wonderful adverbs and adjectives. Some of your verbs could be a tad more "spicy" Like you used stopped her bike when maybe skidded might paint more of a picture (I know can't please me all of the time!) I can tell you are working on showing your story and not just telling it. Some of the experts have suggested to me to use great action verbs and less adjectives. I enjoyed your descriptions but think you can do even more with it.

The only really problem I had is the last line of dialogue from the girl. It didn't sound natural at all. I understand that the boy was quoting a movie so that explained his line but hers did't feel authentic.

I did enjoy this and it was a heart-breaker. There is nothing like that first time you get dumped or get told Let's be friends. Awesome writing and a very enjoyable read.
02/02/12
Nice job and well derserved. Congrats.
God Bless~