She looked daily in the mirror,
Peered from every angle
To see how she would appear to the world.
I bit of spray to ensure the guise would stick,
And off she went.
To love the unlovely.
She talked carefully to friends and colleagues,
Saying only what would have the right effect.
Apologized quickly for imagined slip ups.
She groomed her family -
Appearance and behaviour both,
Making sure the wider circle representing her was just right.
This was a bit harder.
Occasional manipulation seemed necessary.
Careful in appearance,
Careful in word,
Careful in behaviour -
Respect followed her around.
The ministry grew.
Words like “perfect” were used.
And “lightening rod to the Holy Spirit".
These pleased her greatly.
Imperfection was suspected, finally.
She could feel the crumbing
Deep in her core.
Quitting the job seemed prudent.
Word the resignation carefully.
People were appreciative,
Praised her as she said goodbye.
She escaped without embarrassment.
Ten years later
She still struggled to find her place.
Dabbled in this and that.
Felt like an outsider.
Wondered about depression.
Blamed her husband for past offences.
Took sleeping pills for relief.
He called her carefulness pride.
Began to crush it wholly.
Embarrassed, she struggled,
Started and stopped new ventures,
Looked for praise
But found it elusive.
He stills her in her struggles
Shows her Himself.
She begins to suspect Him sufficient.
Hope is just around the corner,
Ushered in by Truth.
“Come unto me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me. For I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30
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