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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Obedience (01/31/05)

TITLE: I said "Give it back"
By Jess Godwin
02/01/05


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Why does it have to be so hard?

Because I never promised that following me would be easy.

It just feels like youre picking on me. You bring this guy into my life. Hes everything I ever prayed for and then some, and now you want me to give him back to You?

He was never yours in the first place.

I know that, but I still hoped.

Give those hopes back to Me. Let Me make My hopes yours.

Daddy, it hurts so much, but Ill do it. I dont want to, and you know how hard it is for me to see him now, but Ill give it back to You.

Baby Girl, you have never been more beautiful than when you are bowing your heart in obedience to Me. I know you think your heart is breaking. Because this hurts you, it hurts Me. I can use you so much more effectively if you give your whole heart over to Me and not hold back any part of it. I know you care about this boy. But I love him more than you ever could. Give him back to Me.

Most of the time, this conversation took place in the secrecy of my room. I would tell everyone goodnight, turn out the lights, and shut the door. Then, I would bury my face in my pillow and sob out the injustice of being required to give up the growing feelings for a wonderful, godly guy that Id met. He even had eyelashes a mile long! Seeing him on his knees brought me to tears because he was humble. I loved to hear him teach and I loved being able to tell him what I was struggling with and know that he was praying. Now, I was being required to let him go? My poor cat must have thought Id burst a pipe and was leaking from the inside out.

Its a daily battle to be obedient to God. I have to surrender my heart to Him every day because I cant live for Him without Him. I still cry out to Him at night when Im alone in my room. Im seriously considering investing in Kleenex. The great thing is that God wants me to cry out to Him and ask Him for help. He wants me to admit that I cant live for Him on my own. I just have to be willing to do what He has said. He has given me much, and so He requires much (see Luke 12:48 NKJ). But, its not so much when I think of all that He gave up so that I could follow Him.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Barbie Jones02/09/05
Very moving...I heard words similar to yours. God said to me, "let go." My sister, God WILL manifest his love for you and reward you for your obedience. You will reap in joy for the tears you've sown.
Debbie OConnor02/09/05
Great job. You tell your story well. I've been where you are now and I know it's hard. Keep holding on to Daddy, He has the best possible plans for you.
Suzanne R02/14/05
Amen to the comments above. Keep trusting, sister! God is trustworthy, even when things don't make sense to us at times. I hope you get someone even better one day, and even if you don't, hey, God is still trustworthy - keep being obedient.