The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/01/11
This was very moving and touched my heart. Nice job, and a beautiful message to boot. Nicely done. God Bless~
This is a touching story with a lovely message. Telling me about Judson's background really interested me and made me want to know more about the young man.

Though you mentioned the topic words, they weren't an integral part of the story.

I also thought the transition from Judson's story to Will's story was kind of abrupt. I remember that episode and I think it's wonderful that it made an impact on someone's life. Perhaps if you had Judson show how that episode impacted his life instead of just retelling the story, it would have been smoother. Perhaps just a line or two about the show then an example of how Judson defined himself instead of life defining him would have had a greater impact on the reader.

Your message was wonderfully shown. I think Judson's story will touch many people. You have a great deal of heart in your words. I can tell you have a passion for what you believe and you want to make the world a better place. Keep writing the stories that God puts on your heart for you have been given a truly talented gift.
12/03/11
This is a nice story about the choices we make.

I agree with Shann's comments. I like the story from the TV show, but the way the piece was written didn't flow very well. We were thrown from Judson's world into the Fresh Prince world and back into Judson's. The idea is a nice one, but needs some revision to make it work.

Spaces between paragraphs would make the story easier to follow.

When "the conference" was first mention, I thought, "What conference? Did I miss something?" It was mentioned as though we were already told about it.

Overall, I liked the idea behind this story. I enjoyed reading it. Nice job.