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“The calendar reads December 22. The big grandfather clock continues to tick . . . tick . . . tick. I don’t know why because time has stopped for me. I . . . I should change clothes and get more comfortable – I dressed especially for Ryan today because we had plans together. I loved this new dress with the pretty pin tucks in the top and the way it fits me to a T. He always did like me in blue. He said it brought out my beautiful eyes. Are my eyes still beautiful?
“Ryan told me today, that he is leaving me for Sheila, my best friend. I don’t know how to feel. I think I’m numb – I really don’t feel anything right now. This morning my life was fine – or so I thought.
“Now my life is destroyed – it’s all gone. I should call Sheila – but I can’t. We’ve been friends since grade school. We didn’t make any decisions without bouncing it off of the other. We were so close . . . . I am losing my two best friends – to each other.
“Why didn’t I see it? Yes, Ryan has been a little moody for the last year, and Sheila has been extra busy, with work . . . she said.
“Since her husband died last year -- oh, now the picture is clear. Ryan has been with her a lot, but he said he was helping her with the details of getting settled again after John’s death. Yeah, he sure was helping her.
“The television is still on in the next room, and I hear the beautiful Christmas carols we used to sing. This has always been my favorite time of year, but now, somehow . . . the choruses sound hollow. It’s just noise. There’s no substance to anything. Does any of it count anymore?
“I faintly remember the busyness of this time of year, but for some reason, I can’t seem to remember what I’m supposed to do. I sit, alone, in my big, beautiful home. I remember when Ryan and I were finally able to build it. It was our dream home and everything we both wanted. That was ten years ago.
“Collecting pictures of the rooms I loved, I scanned and uploaded each area into a folder so I could access them quickly when I needed them. I worked, and dreamed into existence, each pristinely fashioned nick and cranny of my beautiful creation. It was perfection manifested. Now . . . now, it seems cold and uninviting. It's as though the life has left all of the rooms. They’re as empty as my soul. It’s all gone. I’m just a vacant shell.
“I hear ice hitting the windows. It’ll be a cold night. I love a good cup of coffee, while I sit in my big, overstuffed chair in front of the crackling fireplace. Running my finger around the top of my favorite cup gives me some kind of consistency – something familiar that has not deserted me. Funny, isn’t it?
“I’d better check to see if we have enough coffee. Maybe Ryan could stop on the way home . . . .
“What’s the matter with me? There is no more Ryan, no more Sheila, no more anybody. I am alone . . . totally alone.
“The girls won’t be home until tomorrow – how will I tell them? How . . . can . . . I put it into words. They will see my pain. How can I ever . . . .”
“Download Me.”
“Huh?”
“I will never leave you or forsake you. Download Me.”
“Lord?”
“I Am your forever love. When you have Me, you lack nothing.”
“But . . . but . . . what about the pain, the hurt, the rejection, the betrayal from two people who were supposed to love me? What about that?”
“The world is the world, but love can conquer the world.”
“Yes, Lord, You are my only hope now. I . . . I do feel Your arms around me. Your warm surge of love is passing gently through my soul.”
Pulling a silk chenille lap-blanket up over her shoulders, she listens to the fireplace pop as shadows of light and dark play around the room. Colors reflect in the big, crystal chandelier seeming to resurrect the room. Love creates life.
“I have downloaded Love, Himself, and I know I will never be alone.”
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