The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/01/11
I really enjoyed this entry! It was up to date with the current "season" and you stayed on topic in a clever way.

I liked the interchange between the two MC's - and the way it ended.

Good message and great job with this! God is always doing an inner work on us, we just need to be mindful and hear His voice-as you so clearly illustrated in your dialogue.

Loved it. God Bless~
12/01/11
I enjoyed this story and its message very much. God bless.
I enjoyed this Christmas message that we should remember all year long.

I've heard it said that it's not best to start a story with a quote. I don't always agree but in this case I wondered who the characters were. I know you described it in the next paragraph but perhaps if after one said "Seasons Greetings" you had added Tony embraced his old friend... not only would that tighten your writing it also would show the reader what was going on.

You did a great job of really making your story about the topic. You couldn't have told the story without it and that's the purpose of writing on topic.

I enjoyed the dialog. It felt realistic and flowed easily. The ending was wonderful. It made the story come full circle and left me with a good feeling.
12/03/11
I'm not sure I agree with "never starting a story with a quote". I haven't heard that before and do it often, so I guess I'm going to have to research that one!

However, I get what Shann is saying as far as getting to know the characters. You could do a lot more "showing" in this story to bring it to life. Phrases like "Bill playfully winks at Tony" ... and "Tony grinned back" SHOW us what the characters are doing and adds more interest to the story.

I wondered if anyone would include Christmas into a story and I'm glad you did.

Nice job!
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