The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/01/11
I enjoyed this short and to the point entry.

I smiled at this: "You see my computer was made during WWII..." We all can relate to that sometime or another.

Good job- God Bless~
12/03/11
This is fun take on the topic. I like how it tied in with how quickly we "erase" what God has "downloaded" into us.

There were a few punctuation errors, particularly with commas. Your first sentence, as written, should be two separate sentences, while the first two sentences in the last paragraph should be one (When He gives me the answers ...).

Over all, this was nicely written, a clever concept and an ending that made me grin. :)
This made me smile. I can so relate to the MC. Computers tend to break down as soon as I enter the room.

I noticed there were a few places where the spacing was off. To avoid this, make sure you hit preview before you submit. This will allow you to see how the article will look. A good hint so you don't hit submit accidentally is to leave the level and title part blank until you have proofed your piece and are ready to submit.

I think you did a lovely job covering this difficult topic. You pulled me into your story right away. The ending put a smile on my face. This is a well-written,enjoyable read.
12/06/11
A delightful shortie and laced with humor. Right on topic, and you waste no words getting to the main point of view. I'm certain you were using hyperbole when you stated the age of your computer.:-) Some improvement needed in sentence structure and punctuation. Ex. Incomplete sentence - "When He gives me answers to my cries." Also, a comma is needed after, "After the fifth try...."

I'm not sure if the parting
line was a good fit to tie your main points together, but I could be wrong.:-)

Your spiritual comparison has the potential for a great devotional
12/12/11
Interesting little story! I liked it and sensed that there was more message and story that could be told. Feel free to expand your thoughts especially when you were so far under the 750 word limit.

Nice writing!
12/16/11
Congratulations on your win. God bless you~
12/16/11
That was supposed to read HR win/placing. But it is all the same - you received recognition so congrats! God Bless~