The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/17/11
This touched my heart! What a poignant and loving story. Oh my gosh!

I really enjoyed it. Thank you. God Bless you~
11/18/11
Is this a true story?! I really hope so, it's just beautiful. I find it amazing that God uses even the 'junk mail' of our world to achieve His will! Well done.
This is a interesting story. It was realistic and I wondered if it is true.

It seems a little weak on topic. I felt the main point of the story would have been the same if you had left out the paragraph about email.

It was a touching story and tugged at my heart strings. It made me stop and wonder what my family will discover about me when I die.
11/23/11
This is a sweet story. I also wondered if it was true. I could totally relate to the multiple visits to the hospital, only to be told, eventually, that the patient is brain dead. This happened to my uncle.

In the following sentence, the placement of commas confused me.

"After introductions to other family members, and much, sometimes heated, discussion the decision to take Doris to meet her grandmother was made."

Having commas around "and much" sets it apart, as if it means something all by itself. I think leaving the first comma out fixes this problem. Then it feels that punctuation is needed after "discussion", yet another comma would confuse things.

There are two options to consider, which include hyphens and/or ellipses. Here are two examples.

"After introductions to other family members and much, sometimes heated, discussion … the decision to take Doris to meet her grandmother was made."

"After introductions to other family members and much-sometimes heated-discussion, the decision to take Doris to meet her grandmother was made."

This was a touching story. God bless you!
I was fascinated by this story and want to know if it is true. That said, I think there might have been a more fluid way to transition from when she died and the email searching for a lost loved one. It was a bit jolting. It was compelling though and really caught my interest.
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level 2!
Thank you to everyone who commented on this article. The constructive criticism is most welcome and I will take it to heart.

I wish this story was completely true, however only the first half is. There was not enough information to accomplish the desired and often dreamed of ending.