The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 399 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a heart-warming tale. I could easily picture them in the workshop. I liked that Gramps is intelligent and knowledgable about computers.

I think your weakest area is crafting. There are several minor errors. You have some run-on sentences and several places where you should have a comma. For example when you use a descriptive phrase like
Josh, his great-grandson, you should put a comma at the end of the phrase as well as at the beginning. Hyphens help the flow with phrases like great-grandson too.

At the very end when Grams called for dinner you switched from third person to first person. I've done this before especially when my characters are based on real people. A challenge buddy would help catch these nitpicky errors and Capipulate you intothe next level.

You have natural talent and a sweet, old-fashioned feel to your story. Reading it made me feel safe and brought back many happy memories!
11/04/11
Sweet story! The Grandpa character made my heart smile; my grandfathers both died before I was born.

You have a few gammar mistakes, but the content was heart warming.Thanks, a good read.
11/06/11
Oh how I enjoyed this sweet and loving piece. It made me think of my younger days with my own grandparents.

It was a unique and clever entry, thank you! God Bless~
11/06/11
I was immediately drawn into this story. I liked the idea of it and it kept my interest.

Unfortunately, several grammatical errors distracted the flow.

One consistent error was that there seemed to lack an "s" on the end of possessive words, like Joshua's.

I was a little confused in the first paragraph about how Gramps was eager to have a conversation about the latest PC's and yet, he had no use for them. By clarifying that, while he had no use for a computer, he made a point to be knowledgable about them for the purpose of conversing with his great-grandson, this would be clarified. (If that is, in fact, why he was knowledgable.)

I do, however, feel this scenario is a bit unrealistic.

Having said that, I did enjoy the story. I liked Gramps and, as I said, it kept my attention.
11/07/11
Enjoyed the read...it warmed my heart...don't have to add any constructive criticism, the previous readers covered that...God bless and keep writing...
Hmmm...It's not until the next to last chapter that I finally get a clear idea of the great grandson's age...perhaps an earlier revelation would help the reader. True to life. I know a lot of 'older' people who have not (and insist will not) learned computers. Good dialog, though at times wordy or unnatural. I enjoy your style and with some polish you'll do well.
Congratulations for ranking 7th in your level!