The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/04/11
This brought a smile to my face...one thing: it would help if you broke it up some...had some trouble keeping my place when reading it....it did keep my interest though...thanks for sharing...
This is really good! I laughed at several points. You captured the kids and their dialog expertly.

You did have a few minor kinks. There were times where you had missing quotation marks. Also make sure that you start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks even if it is just a word or two. Have someone proofread your piece before you submit it. There are challenge groups or critique buddies on the message board.

I think one of your strongest criteria (see the message boards for the rating criteria the judges use) is creativity. You did an excellent job of covering the topic in a fresh, fun way.
I really enjoyed this piece!
Great story on topic. Very cute and funny.
11/06/11
Sweet and I liked the levity throughout. It was entertaining, thanks!

God bless~
I absolutely loved your story. I had to chuckle in a few places at the childrens remarks and the dialogue was perfect. Thank you for sharing a very amusing story.
11/12/11
Hilarious! I laughed out loud seeing the progression of this absurd, yet realistic, conversation. I agree with what others said about leaving some white space and making sure to edit for little things like quote marks and punctuation. Otherwise a fantastic entry!!