The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
11/04/11
Very good...I enjoyed this...it really kept my interest...God bless you and thanks for sharing...
This is a great story. You pulled me in from the very beginning. I expected Benny to return home but I liked the twist in the end. (Although if I had read the title that might have given away the ending)

You had some errors here and there.Crochet instead of crocheting,messages that is instead of message that are,an extra comma. Having a challenge buddy might help with the progressing (chick the message boards.)

Also you don't need to put the words The End in. Your story had a very powerful ending andI really liked that it didn't have a typical happy ending.

You definitely covered the topic in a unique and creative way.
11/04/11
The piece is poignant with an unexpected ending. You need to watch your grammar more closely--but the story is really good. I like the way it didn't end the way I thought it would. Good job!
I liked that mother never gave up looking and never gave up hope. I enjoyed the ending too. I thought maybe the middle got a little bogged down with the word 'blog' and wonder if finding another way of describing it would lighten that part of your great story.
I wonder why the brother waited so long to return. Was that the first he read her blog?
I enjoyed this and it touched my heart. So many of us have family members "missing" that we pray will come home.
Thanks for sharing.
The story pulled me in, but left me wondering about Benny too much at the end, especially since you wrote "The End".
11/06/11
This was a good story with a lot of emotional upheavals throughout.

It pulled on my heart strings, and I too wondered why it took so long for him to return. I would love to see a follow up as to what "transpired" to make him stay away as long as he did.

Nice job! God bless~
What a poignant story. It grabbed me at the opening and held my attention to the end. You did an outstanding job and I to would love to know why it took Benny so long to go home.
Wow. Quite the abrupt and surprise ending. The blogging part seemed forced, more an intrusion than a conveyer of the plot, to my taste. Loved the persistence of the mother and that it paid off. I don't feel bad for her that her 'chair was empty' of course, because she was able to watch the homecoming from 'beyond this life." Still, I was left wondering what the son had done to deserve the tragic nature of his return or what actually brought it about. I know, with the word limit it is hard to touch all the bases.
11/10/11
I really enjoyed this story on so many levels. I didn't think the blog was an intrusion ... it seemed a natural part of the story to me. I was moved by the mother's persistent and stubborn optimism to see her son again.

The story flowed so easily. It made me want to know more about the brother's travels and what happened that had him leave home to begin with. Very nice work!
11/12/11
I enjoyed this and wish that there was more! I'd love to know what Benny was doing and where he was during the missing time and what prompted the return. The sadness at the end is real and reminds me that so many moms and dads wait for the return of a prodigal. Nicely done!
11/13/11
Very enjoyable read until the end. Then ouch! The empty chair. I felt as if a door had just been slammed in my face. The mom's absence at the end seemed to call for a little more explanation. But oh, what a surprise.