The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/20/11
What a story! I loved how the story was 'ordinary' until the sudden turn of events! My only wish is that you had more words to carry the story out; alas, the 750 limit. I would love to know if the character worked out her marriage with counseling or went home to her parents or what---. GREAT job!
10/20/11
Excellent. Flows really well. Had me with the very first sentence. Good job.
I loved this story. If it is true you did a great job telling it. If it is not true, I so admire your imagination.
This is a great story-full of suspense. Below is my opinion of the rating criteria on a 0-5 scale.

Topic: 3.5 You did agreat fresh take on the topic.

Creativity: 4.2 I never would have thought a married person could be missing. Very clever.

Comphresion 4.5 You have A very clear message without coming across as preachy.

Craft 3.0 This is well-written. The dialog feds sincre and believable, The only thing I might suggest is to show the reader what the speaker is doing. For example before a quote add something like: Leanna wiped a stray tear from her cheek. It'll paint a picture plus clarify who is speaking.

Start: 2.8 It was a little slow. The rest of the story was good, but I wished youhad grabbed my attention more in the beginning.

End: 4 The ending was great. I felt satisfied but still wanted to read more. A great place for A reader to be!

Flow: 3.9 You surprised mewhen she came up missing and that doesn't happen often. Though I was surprised the transition was great and believable.

Publishable: 4.0 I could easily see this in a magazine. It was a fun read. Keep up the great work!
10/21/11
This was superb, brilliant, and an amazingly brilliant read. I loved it. So clever, I was pulled in immediately, and never guessed what was coming.

I had tears in my eyes at the ending-when she dialed her mom's number! Clearly on topic, and totally believable-an altogether outstanding entry. One of my favorites here! Thank you.

God Bless you~
10/22/11
Definitely a strong mark on criterion #2 (unique, fresh, memorable). Excellent!

Although this whole entry is very strong, I thought it perhaps weakest on #3 (craft)--not your writing skills, but the plausibility of the situation, the plotting. However, as a longer work, I think some of the kinks could be ironed out.

Very strong on #5 (conclusion)--I enjoyed this very much.
10/23/11
This was an outstanding story! I wish there was a chapter two, because I admit it ended with me fearing what Ronnie would do, for most men that manipulative become violent when their control is threatened! If this isn’t based on truth, it is certainly believable! You cleverly and smoothly wove this story around the topic, with amazing skill! Just a terrific job!
10/24/11
You set the scene nicely in the first paragraph, giving us a hint about the situation. I liked the light hand you used in telling this story, allowing the MC to come to her own conclusion about her her situation and to do something about it. Nice job. (I did wonder what a search on the husband's name would have turned up!)
What an enjoyable story. I loved how you incorporated the computer into the story. Very touching story.
11/01/11
Oh wow! What an ending!

With a few changes here and there, you could give the characters a little more personality.

This flowed well and pulled the reader into the plot. Great job.
11/03/11
Congratulations on your second place award.

Keep up the good work!
I enjoyed reading your story. It was so well written and I loved the ending - surprising and it worked well.