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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Search Engine (10/06/11)

TITLE: The Scribes
By Mildred Sheldon


David sat at his little table stylus in hand patiently transcribing each scroll meticulously. He was so young when he started transcribing the older scrolls onto new scrolls to preserve them for future generations. It was grueling work but David loved being able to preserve the writings of the Prophets, Disciples and Apostles of his God and Savior.

As he finished each scroll he would carefully wrap it linen, and place it in containers made of clay. His brother Andrew sat next to him at his small table hunched over his scroll transcribing every word exactly as it has been written in days gone by.

The chief scribe came to each table and carefully compared the scrolls making sure they were the same as those that came before. David and Andrew were now old and still they took great care in transcribing the scrolls of old.

At the end of each day David and Andrew would see that each scroll was carefully wrapped in fine linen and placed in the clay jars to preserve them. As each scroll was finished and placed in the clay jars David and Andrew carried them and place them in the caves for safe keeping.

Little did they know that one day those same scrolls they had spent their lives on transcribing so meticulously would play such an integral part in the future.

Centuries past and one day two boys tending their goats would discover those same clay jars David and his brother had so lovingly placed in those caves.

Little did they know that those scrolls would verify to the world how the universe came to be. How God would use man in such a way as to prove His existence. Yes, there are those who still deny the existence of God even with these ancient scrolls.

They became one of the finest search engines available to man and slowly they are now being placed on computers for future generations to glean and learn from.

Some academic scholars today say man put his own spin on those ancient scrolls and try to deny the authenticity of Godís Word, but too many things have happened over the centuries that in my opinion prove beyond a shadow of doubt that those scrolls are the mighty works on God Almighty Himself.

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 455 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jenna Dawn10/20/11
Creative spin on the topic. I like it. :)

A few things. In your opening sentence, with no comma, it reads as, " David sat at little table stylus." As if the stylus is what he was sitting at and "table" is the adjective that describes it. If you simply put a comma after table, it clarifies what you intend. You'd then need a comma after "hand" as well and it would read like this:

David sat at his little table, stylus in hand, patiently transcribing each scroll meticulously.

There are a few other places where it seemed commas should be used. You might want to research the rules for the use of commas.

Here are three sentences you wrote, declaring basically the same thing repeatedly:

1.)As he finished each scroll he would carefully wrap it linen, and place it in containers made of clay.

2.)At the end of each day David and Andrew would see that each scroll was carefully wrapped in fine linen and placed in the clay jars to preserve them.

3.)As each scroll was finished and placed in the clay jars ...

The reader doesn't need to be bogged down reading the same thing essentially, three times in a row.

"Past" should be "passed" in this case. ("Centuries passed ... ")

In general, you did a nice job. Creative twist on the topic, nice description. I like your beginning. Good job!
annie keys10/20/11
I love the way you used the 'scribe'as an analogy to the work of today's search engine. Unique, I like it. Good job~
C D Swanson 10/21/11
I loved the whole "Bible Scribe" idea- Brilliant in itself.

I enjoyed this clever story filled with a great message.

Nicely done. God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/21/11
This is a lovely story. Below is my opinion of the rating worksheet based on a 0-5 scale.

Topic: 2.2 Although you used the words search engine, in my opinion you missed the topic. It said on the message boards that it was to be about the computer.

Creativity: 3.5 Other people also have said the Bible is the ultimate search engine but I thought it was quite creative to tell David's story.

Craft: 2.8 Commas canbe a truly thing, sometimes a matter of personal taste but you definitely had places where there should have been a comma and others where they weren't needed.

Comphresion: 3.5 I really enjoyed your message.

Flow 3.5 You did a nice job connecting the story together.

Start 3.0 It was a good opening and set the reader up for what was to come.

End 3.3 You left me feeling satisfied.

Publishable: 3.0 I could see reading this in a historical Christin magazine.
Jan Ackerson 10/22/11
This was strongest on #2 (unique, fresh, memorable). No one else took this particular approach to the topic, and I appreciated reading something new.

I'd suggest more attention to #3 (craft). As mentioned above, comma usage and sentence structure could be improved.

Another strength was #4 (beginning). I was interested in your characters, and I wanted to read more about them.
Linda Goergen10/23/11
Wow, what a fresh idea that the scrolls were a search engine, as indeed they are, as scholars pour over their preserved information! I really enjoyed this, it was interesting and its vision presented well! Good job!