The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 544 times
Member Comments
Great conversational writing. Now if only we had the listening ears of our teenagers for these conversations! Keep up the great work!
The interaction with mom and the daughter were touching and realistic. I enjoyed this story, thank you. God Bless~
I would like to use the guidelines suggested to comment on your story. (1) Your theme - God as a Search Engine is without question, and certainly fits the topic, but does not stand out from others who have chosen a similar approach. (2) Your dialogue moved along, but at times seemed predictable. There was little descriptive'showing.' In one instance when you wrote "Seeing the look on Susan's face...," you could have given the reader a lot more descriptive info about what sort of 'look' you had in mind, rather than leaving it up to the reader to decide. (3) The story comes to a satisfactory conclusion, based on the lesson Mother (somewhat awkward use of the word)wanted her teen-ager to learn. (4) To more fully engage the reader, and to enhance its publishable prospects, you might want to add more action along with the dialogue...For example: "Mom stopped folding the laundry, and turned towards Susan with a quizzical look on her face. "Who are you talking about?"

Your strength in this entry is criterion #2 (unique, fresh, memorable). I haven't read any others that involved this particular situation.

I'd suggest that you work to improve on #3 (craft). In particular, the dialog seemed stilted; I can't imagine this actual conversation happening in this way. It's just not how real people talk.

#1 was also strong--this was definitiely on topic in a week when the topic was quite challenging.
I liked where you were going with this and you had a good message. Below is my opinion of the rating criteria based on a 0-5 scale.

Topic: 2.5 I struggle with this because I think you took a creative approach but it did say on the amessage boards it should be about a computer. Also others who didn't talk about a computer used God or the Bible as the search engine.

Craft 2.9 The dialog didn't feel relaxed or natural. I almost felt like I was Watching a 50s TV show. I wish youhad painted me more of a picture, Shown me the expressions on the characters face or what they were doing.

Creativity 3.8 I really liked the dating angle and the advice Mother gave. I thought it was an unique and fresh way to present the Topic.

Comphresion 3.9 You had a clear, concise message that many teens need to hear (and parents)

Start: 3.3 You started out with an interesting topic and I wanted to know more. A suggestion might be to develop the characters more.

End 3.3 The mom was a little too preachy in the end (but that's what Moms tend to do) Idid enjoy the last line. It made me smile.

Publishable: 3-0 With a little polishing and more character development this would be great for a teen magazine.
This should be passed out to all teenage girls! LOL I thought this was a tender and believable conversation between mother and daughter and I enjoyed the read. Blessings.
A very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing. A must read for all teenagers.