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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: rain (10/17/05)

TITLE: Rain (iii)


once upon a time, a lad called Danny was bored of his lonely life, feeling that the world has forsaken him, with no friend and fate playing tricks on him decided to commit suicide, so he planned how he is going to establish his plan which he concluded to himself that he will do at midnight outside in his compound on a tree. so when the night came, an hour to the time he took the chair and rope outside, then he sat waiting for the moment, but just as he looked up to the sky and found out the moon was dancing to the melody of the night, the stars where singing as the wind wave and dance for the mood was right, love was in the air, blues was the song then the moon walked to the sky and asked for a dance but the sky refused. oh! my angel please dance with me, I have waited for this moment to have a chance to tell you how much you mean to me, please dance with me for my heart long for your gentle touch. Oh! moon let my peace be still for I wish not to be disturbed, she replied but the moon tried all its trick but to no avail, he then walked away and was dancing alone, meanwhile the sky was there watching the dancing wind, admiring and wishing he could ask her for a dance. '' Oh! Gentle wind, when will thou look my way, my heart lust for you, in your arms I belong, my love is thy, oh! how I long to run into your embrace, kiss your tender lips, but I am a woman with passion and love, it won't be right to run to you, dear lord whisper my heart to him or the earth will suffer my weakness if its love does not come to me'', she was saying to herself, even as she worry in thought and hope, the wind not aware of her present danced in joy to the rhythm of the night. Meanwhile like a dream it all became so amazing to Danny who sat in anticipation to know what the sky was up to. the cloud the sky best friend came right to the sky and was like, baby girl how long will you continue like this, do you want to kill yourself for nothing, look at him, he does not know you feel this way, common baby girl I think is time you let him know how you feel. ‘‘What? How? Have you forgotten that I am a woman and I am not suppose to'' so the cloud asked '' what do you want to do now?'' I don't know she replied. so after a while the cloud came up with a plan, she called other to see how they could help the sky bring back her happiness for it will spill pain on earth if not restored , that night it was decided that they call on the Sun who rose from sleep hearing what was going on with love he call out the rainbows and the sky became bright and beautiful sparkling colours of love. The birds praise her beauty, even the voice of men could be heard saying'' whoa! The sky looks so lovely today'' Danny not left out echoed ''beautiful''. The wind dancing to the new day paused and screamed'' whoa! Holy Moses, she is beautiful. men where the hell has this damsel been, I must have a dance with her, all night I danced hoping to find someone like her, so the wind went to her ''hurray'' the birds whispered '' hello my princess it is a new day with new song could you kindly have a dance with me'' he said to her, she surprise and short of words whispered'' yes my charming prince'' so they started dancing, hands held tight heart beat sting aloud oneness with soft tune, she felt her emotion run like flowing stream.'' oh lord thank you how I wish it will be forever'' she hoped inside and just then the wind whispered out'' please my princess will you be mine forever? Will you marry me? as the word reach her heart with boiling joy tears began to fall from her eyes, she started to cry tears of joy as the emotion gets higher the tears poured out and they touched the ground and soaked Danny who woke up to see it is a new raining day and felt better than the previous night. Then he new there is so much in life than taking it, he realized that no matter what he has being going through he should always reach out and bring out the best in him, for so many we feel don't care does, even the world we feel has forsaken us he realized did not for he failed to reach out to the world even it has failed to reach out to him. `''Oh grace that is a great story, infarct I now understand that if we don't share our feeling we might feel neglected, because many wants to help but don't know how to because they know not where it hurts us'' grace added '' not only that it is good that one stop hiding in his shell, but embrace others with love, express his heart and hold on to love.'' thank you grace he said, I feel much better now. ‘‘Good thank you for listen and remember all time that when it rain there is joy in the sky and rains are tear of the sky.

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This article has been read 497 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Susan Storm Smith10/25/05
I believe a very good story got lost by not separating into needed paragraphs.
Rachel Burkum10/25/05
I think this article has a lot of potential.
It needs a lot of polish with sentence structure and keeping the verb tense the same throughout. I noticed a lack of capitalization, and I agree that spaces between paragraphs would make it much easier to read.
Perhaps this story is something that could be expanded sometime – I can tell a lot of thought went into the plot. Happy writing!