The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I believe a very good story got lost by not separating into needed paragraphs.
I think this article has a lot of potential.
It needs a lot of polish with sentence structure and keeping the verb tense the same throughout. I noticed a lack of capitalization, and I agree that spaces between paragraphs would make it much easier to read.
Perhaps this story is something that could be expanded sometime – I can tell a lot of thought went into the plot. Happy writing!