The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/16/11
Beautiful story! I loved it, and spot on with the topic. God bless~
This is a sweet story. There are too many Sarahs in the world. It made my heart ache for the scared little girl hiding under the table.

Remember to proofread and watch your punctuation Sarah's father should have an apostrophe, you missed an end quote at the end, and if Mom or Father is being used as a name it should be capitalized. You also jumped from scene to scene without a transition (I'm sure this was due to the word restrictions it happens to me a lot)

You created great characters. Joshua is a real spitfire. You also added an element of suspense and the conflict was perfect. The dialog is interesting and believable. I also like the hope that is scattered throughout. You have a great imagination. Keep writing!