The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/02/11
Wow this is so intense! You grabbed me with the first line and held my attention to the end. And what a great ending!


My only suggestion would be to put the MC's thoughts or God's in italics. It might be easier for the reader to follow. Also hiccough is misspelled although it added a bit of character the way you did it so I did like it misspelled -- which is unusual for me:)

I could really relate to the MC. I do believe I've had quite similiar talks with God myself. And again the ending was perfect. It felt very real to me and just the way God might save someone. This is one of my favorites.
09/02/11
What a remarkable story. I agree with Shanna 100%. This truly touched my heart. God is just a breath away and the ending was perfect.
09/03/11
Oh my gosh! This was brilliant! I loved it. Great job, the emotions that coursed through my body was unbelievable. Powerful, thought provoking, and overwhelming. Thanks...God Bless you~
09/06/11
I really, really enjoyed this. It avoided being sentimental or having a cliched ending.

Sometimes I read a piece of writing and wish I ahd written it - this was one of them
09/06/11
Excellent writing and story telling, not mention a great message of hope. Well done.
09/07/11
Very realistic scene - written so well with details like the speech adding to the realism. Good job! I enjoyed the read!
09/07/11
Great hook and quick wrap up. You had me from the beginning to the end. Very intense and great ending.

My suggestion would be to put quotations marks around each speaker's line.

Great job. Loved the story!
09/07/11
My favorite of the week. I hope it does super well!
09/07/11
Great story! Love the creativity!
09/08/11
Congratulations on your "highly recommended place" - Personally I loved this entry, it touched my heart. God Bless~
09/13/11
I have to agree with all the others. Your story is gripping, yet realistic. Definitely deserving of recognition.