The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 840 times
Member Comments
He only thought he'd left nothing to chance, didn't he?
The reads like a passage fro Jesus' Passion at Easter. Nicely done. My one comment would be to break up the paragraphs so they are easier to read. For me, I would have liked to have seen some dialogue, too - you've certainly got the skill. But that's just me, because I think you've done a fine job here.
I liked the down-to-earth flavor of this MC’s monologue (log entries, perhaps?). Remember to capitalize country names like Roman. I agree that a little more white space would be helpful to the reader.
The title fits the story well and I like the way you wrote it. I fail to see the connection to the challenge topic though. An interesting read as we celebrate Easter.
Absolutely loved the MC's voice. Ditto on the spacing. Space between paragraphs always makes for an easier read.

Keep an eye out for the use of commas instead of a period. Ex:...days work without disruption. The last thing I need is to have all leaves cancelled. (Noticed I left out those unnecessary "to be" words.:-)

You obviously have a natural talent for story telling. The
words just flowed, nice and natural. Great job!
Wow, very creative work on this story that was from the "other side." As I'm reading I'm going through the Bible stories that tie in. His vacation was pending (using that aspect of "outstanding"). And he waited and waited. You skillfully left us wondering what happened to his vacation, BECAUSE we KNOW what happened at the tomb. I enjoyed this very much!