The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/23/11
Very interesting and full of intrigue. You had me going until the very end when I finally found out what group he was working for.
04/25/11
I suspected a cult when you said his leader would be angry and that he was out there in all weather, but I hoped it wasn't. Good foreshadowing. The girl was exactly the kind they target and you showed that well.
A well-crafted story. The reference at the end to the cult Children of God may be a little too vague for some readers. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard anything about them.

Remember to skip a line between conversational paragraphs. Makes for easier reading.
04/27/11
Very interesting portrayal of a cult fishing and offering out harmful handouts - but bang on the topic target - well done!
This was a suspenseful story. I thought Brad was a pimp at first looking for vulnerable girls to take back to the house, but hoped I'd be so very wrong. You did a good job with creating characters and seeing their internal conflict made it suspenseful. A small suggestion would be to make smaller paragraphs for a short story. This was a nice take on the topic. Keep writing you have a natural storytelling way about you.