The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 714 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
02/03/11
wow gripping and i loved the paralel storylines
02/03/11
The power of prayer never ceases to amaze me. Good story.
Your story was very suspenseful. I found myself holding my breath,It also made me wonder how many times God. has protected me that I don't know about. How wonderful to be loved by the Almighty One!
What an engrossing story. I loved how one prayer changed one persons life. All we have to do to see God's miracles is look. Good job and keep writing.
02/06/11
Spellbinding and superbly written. Great job. Loved how prayer was the key!
02/08/11
Wow! Very exciting. I knew where you were going with the story but wasn't sure how it would end. Good job!
02/09/11
What an eloquent last line. Good work!
Yon asked what you could do to make your story better so I read it again. They really was very little I could find So critique and it's mostly nitpicky stuff. But when you use Mommy as a name, without an article or pronoun in front of it make sure you capitalize it. Also year-old could have a hyphen in it, but that is more of personal choice. Last it was a tad confusing jumping between the two stories perhaps if Menhaden's journey had been in italics until they joined in elevator it might have been easier to follow.
You asked what you could do to make your story better so I read it again. The re really was very little I could find to critique and it's mostly nitpicky stuff.

But when you use Mommy as a name, without an article or pronoun in front of it, make sure you capitalize it. Also year-old could have a hyphen in it, but that is more of personal choice. Last it was a tad confusing jumping between the two stories; perhaps if Muhaden's journey had been in italics until they joined in elevator it might have been easier to follow.

With that said, there are so many things_ right with this story. You created suspense, great characters and got a lot done in few words. Great job!
Congratulations on placing third in your level. I knew this was a good piece!
02/10/11
Congrats on your win! By the end of this story I was totally invested in your characters, and the last line was perfect.