The Official Writing Challenge
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I enjoyed this very much. At first I was as confused as Erik, but soon realized he was in heaven where there is no sense of time. Thanks you for this timeless story.
01/31/11
Very interesting perspective. Enjoyed this.
I liked the voice in this. Looking forward to stepping into eternity where there are no worries :o).
01/31/11
Really unique take on the topic. I liked the message. The dialogue felt a little stiff, but keep practicing it. You have a great sense of story.
02/01/11
Interesting read and an unusual take on the topic. It's a story beyond the years where nothing is every too late. I particularly like the part about everything happening just as it should without worries.
02/01/11
No worries, for sure, when we get to Heaven! What a fun and uplifting piece. Thinking about heaven is awesome!
02/01/11
LOL ..... well one of the characters would understand that.... you have me rolling around in the aisles :-) I could see this little dialogue as a sketch and i wonder if you have even written plays?
so original and relevant goes on my top list
I really enjoyed your description of Heaven It's. so peaceful and lovely. I also could relate to your characters.

Some things you could do the make it better are leave out where you tell the reader what you already showed. For example your words showed he was agitated I you didn't need to add that. The same goes for words like inquired.Also double check your punctuation. There were spots when you left out quotation marks and others when you didn't need it. Also eclipses are only three dots. It seems nitpicky, but those little things can help a good story be great.

You had a fresh idea for the topic and that was nice. I also liked the way the me used casual dialog, it made it seem real. It's also nice to see what others think heaven will be like. You've got a great start! Keep writing!.
02/02/11
A wonderful look at heaven. I so look forward to the "no worries"!

Since you asked for suggestions, I saw a few places where you could have "shown" an emotion instead of telling us about it (became agitated, was dumbfounded).

I enjoyed this story. Thanks for sharing it and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
02/03/11
I appreciate every comment. Thanks for helping me grow as a writer. Blessings.