Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Writing a Letter (handwritten correspondence) (10/21/10)
By Colin Nielsen
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By the time this letter finds you I should be dead. I have chosen to forgo all avenues of legal appeal.
You might wonder why I wrote to you rather than organize a personal meeting. You might doubt my courage to come into contact with the ones I have hurt the most. This is not the reason.
<i>what a waste of time she'll never believe you murderer rapist criminal dangerous she knows what you are I know what you are everyone know what you are little boy calm still ripping the legs off frogs watching them squirm
Silence, Accuser. Jesus' blood has cleansed me of <b>all</b> unrighteousness.</i>
I am a monster. Face to face communication would be impossible because I just can't talk so people will understand. It takes all my concentration just to write a few sentences. It's hard taking the right words from the swirling malevolent tornado of voices assaulting my mind every minute of the day. Often to write coherently it takes hours.
<i>here you go blame the voices blame me you made the decision I merely guided soon we will be in hell there I will personally introduce you to your master
Silence, Liar. I am a new creation, old is gone away. The new has come. Once I was a slave to you but not anymore.</i>
The prison doctors have officially diagnosed me with schizophrenia with strong auditory illusions. But this is no illusion I suffer. I have another entity residing inside of me. He is known only to me as 'Strong man'. He is the one who influenced me while I was in a drug-induced craze to committed these despicable acts. I am not trying to absolve myself of responsibility for my actions; if that were my motive, I would not have relinquished the appeals.
<i>strong man I give you strength you ungrateful weakling the others fear you look where you are where would you be without me cowering in a corner afraid of shadow your Father I knew him strong man you feared him you feared his hands you feared his belt you feared his alcoholic breath we will reunite soon I am your father you are my son fear me
Silence, Coward. Fear has to do with punishment, but perfect love drives out fear. I know where I am going. The perfect love of the father is driving out the darkness and fear within me more and more each day.</i>
I am writing this to ask for your forgiveness. Not for my sake but yours. I have known my saviour's love. I have known his forgiveness. The local prison minister has led me to the truth. Throughout his visit the strong man inside me was paralysed, and for the first time I can remember and all the voices ceased. At that moment I surrendered my life to God. I urge you to forgive me so that you too can be free. Freedom can be a strange thing. When I was outside and physically free I was bounds with the heaviest of chains, and now that I'm locked up here behind ten-foot concrete walls and razor wire, I am truly free. Please don't let the strong man win. If you hold onto the anger and bitterness, then he will use the past to destroy your future.
<i>you are not saved how can you be when I am inside of you I didn't go away I never go away remember the minister said no Christian can have a demon inside even your so-called brothers and sisters hate you they would shun and reject you remember mother she left you to him so she wouldn't have suffer throughout the night you were her sacrifice she put you through it and then blamed you belong to him you belong to me nobody loves you you're broken useless unneeded you can't even hold a conversation and when your dead you will not be missed by anyone
Silence, Deceiver. For God so loved me that he gave his only son, <b>whoever</b> believes in him shall have eternal life.</i>
No words I can use can describe how sorry I am for what has occurred, for your loss. I truly hope you can forgive. I hope to see you some day in the presence of the Lord in heaven.
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