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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Writing a Letter (handwritten correspondence) (10/21/10)

TITLE: Fractured
By Colin Nielsen


Dear Mrs. Johnson,

By the time this letter finds you I should be dead. I have chosen to forgo all avenues of legal appeal.
You might wonder why I wrote to you rather than organize a personal meeting. You might doubt my courage to come into contact with the ones I have hurt the most. This is not the reason.

what a waste of time she'll never believe you murderer rapist criminal dangerous she knows what you are I know what you are everyone know what you are little boy calm still ripping the legs off frogs watching them squirm

Silence, Accuser. Jesus' blood has cleansed me of all unrighteousness.

I am a monster. Face to face communication would be impossible because I just can't talk so people will understand. It takes all my concentration just to write a few sentences. It's hard taking the right words from the swirling malevolent tornado of voices assaulting my mind every minute of the day. Often to write coherently it takes hours.

here you go blame the voices blame me you made the decision I merely guided soon we will be in hell there I will personally introduce you to your master

Silence, Liar. I am a new creation, old is gone away. The new has come. Once I was a slave to you but not anymore.

The prison doctors have officially diagnosed me with schizophrenia with strong auditory illusions. But this is no illusion I suffer. I have another entity residing inside of me. He is known only to me as 'Strong man'. He is the one who influenced me while I was in a drug-induced craze to committed these despicable acts. I am not trying to absolve myself of responsibility for my actions; if that were my motive, I would not have relinquished the appeals.

strong man I give you strength you ungrateful weakling the others fear you look where you are where would you be without me cowering in a corner afraid of shadow your Father I knew him strong man you feared him you feared his hands you feared his belt you feared his alcoholic breath we will reunite soon I am your father you are my son fear me

Silence, Coward. Fear has to do with punishment, but perfect love drives out fear. I know where I am going. The perfect love of the father is driving out the darkness and fear within me more and more each day.

I am writing this to ask for your forgiveness. Not for my sake but yours. I have known my saviour's love. I have known his forgiveness. The local prison minister has led me to the truth. Throughout his visit the strong man inside me was paralysed, and for the first time I can remember and all the voices ceased. At that moment I surrendered my life to God. I urge you to forgive me so that you too can be free. Freedom can be a strange thing. When I was outside and physically free I was bounds with the heaviest of chains, and now that I'm locked up here behind ten-foot concrete walls and razor wire, I am truly free. Please don't let the strong man win. If you hold onto the anger and bitterness, then he will use the past to destroy your future.

you are not saved how can you be when I am inside of you I didn't go away I never go away remember the minister said no Christian can have a demon inside even your so-called brothers and sisters hate you they would shun and reject you remember mother she left you to him so she wouldn't have suffer throughout the night you were her sacrifice she put you through it and then blamed you belong to him you belong to me nobody loves you you're broken useless unneeded you can't even hold a conversation and when your dead you will not be missed by anyone

Silence, Deceiver. For God so loved me that he gave his only son, whoever believes in him shall have eternal life.

No words I can use can describe how sorry I am for what has occurred, for your loss. I truly hope you can forgive. I hope to see you some day in the presence of the Lord in heaven.

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This article has been read 543 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Mildred Sheldon10/28/10
I at first didn't truly grasp this letter until I read it a second time. Schizophrenia is a harsh task master. I have seen that first hand. It's as if there are two separate people in one body. What a powerful letter. Thank you for this letter called Fractured.
Lucile McKenzie10/28/10
Excellent article, which well illustrates not only the doubts the mentally ill can have, but the insidious way that Satan tried to undermine our belief.
Barbara Lynn Culler10/30/10
I knew immmdiatly what was happening to this poor soul.

Some of the words were mispelled and jammed together, but then, that could be for effect of the mental illness.

Well done!
Rachel Phelps10/30/10
Wow, this is great. Your style and pacing is right on in this piece. Some of the word choices seemed out of the MC's voice - malevolent, for example, but that was a tiny blip in an otherwise excellent entry.
Nancy Sullivan 10/30/10
A similar situation occured locally when a young man committed a terrible crime in obedience to the voices he heard. You showed his side of this tragedy so clearly. Great job.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/30/10
You did a great job showing the inner rage and battle going on inside. How wonderful to know Jesus loves us and will fight the demons if we ask.
T. F. Chezum10/30/10
Very good story. Well written, good voice. Great job.
Jan Ackerson 10/31/10
Outstanding! You got all three voices pitch-perfect, and I found this both riveting and disturbing.

Wonderful ending--this is a very strong story!
Connie Dixon10/31/10
Great job on this disturbing story of hope. I can sense the evil in Satan's voice.
Leah Nichols 11/02/10
I thought this was excellently done. You did the voices perfectly; I could easily see it as a movie short. Or even extended to novel length. Superb job.
Philippa Geaney 11/03/10
Very powerful article. The run on, no pause, voice of the Strongman was difficult to endure so imagine what the condemned man suffered. Triumph and glory to the King that the letter was finished.
I think it is unique and I applaud you for sticking to what is obviously your favoured genre.
Nancy Sullivan 11/04/10
Congratulations, Colin, on your 2nd place. This was truly a very powerful piece.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 11/04/10
Congratulations for placing 2nd in your level!
Philippa Geaney 11/04/10
Colin!!! how wonderful. Congratulations it is well deserved. Rich deep blessings be on you and your writing