The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/21/10
I liked the conversation between the parents. It seems to be a natural conversation two parents would have when they are hiding a secret from their child. You depicted the situation well in very few words! I like the aspect that the child is eavesdropping. Hearing the conversation from that POV was a great idea. It just gave your piece that little something 'extra'. Good job!
Very well put together. I loved this from beginning to end. This is what a true conversation is all about and the son listening was perfect. Thank you.
You did a nice job showing how each character believed in the impassioned pleas to each other. You had suspense and conflict.
10/24/10
Unique story for this week--and I really appreciate that!

I'd have liked a few clues as to the setting (time and place) of this piece, and John's age. The parents seems to be speaking in the rhythms of speech from many years ago, but there were no details in the story to help me to place it.

You did a good job at portraying the parents' agonizing decision.
10/24/10
The agony of the parents--especially the mother--really came through in this piece.

I, too, wondered about the setting / time of the story. Their speech style was more formal than most people use today.

I really liked the twist of the son overhearing the conversation.
Very nice piece! I would have loved to see more of the child's reaction after finding out the secret. Anyway, this was neat! Thanks.
10/24/10
My grandmother used to say that anyone who eavesdrops will never hear good about themselves and I guess poor John got more than he bargained for.

As with Jan and Shelly, I had trouble trying to nail down the era since the conversation was much more formal than modern times. If you meant it to be more modern, an easy way to achieve that is to use contractions! That's how we all speak in our everyday lives here in the good ol' USA. If you meant to portray an era of times past (Victorian, for example) then you nailed it. A little clue as to era would have cleared up the bit of fog surrounding the tone.

I like the way John "heard" the truth--sure do feel sorry for him, though!
10/25/10
I enjoyed your interesting story of how hsving secrets
can haunt us and ruin our peace of mind. Good job of portraying this!
10/28/10
The conversation was truly stilted regardless of time period. If your reader is from this era the conversation would have a truer feel to it. A good take for topic though.