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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Conversation (face to face) (10/07/10)

TITLE: Hi God
By Brian Haugrud
10/08/10


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Hi God:
Im so glad that I,m here.
At Your door here I stand.
You’ve been part of my life,
Part of my big plan.

I have read all Your Words,
From the Book You inspired.
I have worked very hard,
And the poor I have hired.

I’ve attended the worship,
At Your house every week.
I have put so much money,
In the plate for the meek.

I have walked many streets,
So that babies won’t die.
I have given some cloths,
To the needy passing by.

I have sacrificed some,
When I had enough.
I have left and inheritance,
To the ones that I bluff.

And God finally said, “STOP”.
I can’t hear anymore.
I am so sick and tired,
Of the way you keep score.

I have only one question,
That I will ask of you.
Did you know My Son Jesus,
And does He know you too?

For He is the Gatekeeper,
Of this door where you stand.
Will He vouch for you,
And will He take your hand?


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This article has been read 415 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Fern Brown10/21/10
Good poem - so sad that many people think good works will get them to Heaven. I'm glad you brought out that Jesus is the only way.
Nancy Sullivan 10/21/10
I was enjoying a nice walk with your poem, then suddenly "God said, Stop!"
How easy it is for us to get caught up in all of our well-meaning activities and forget the source of all goodness. Great poem.
DK Landers10/21/10
I like your poem very much. The rhythm flows well and it is an honest depiction of how we sometimes "keep score" of our good deeds. You bring Jesus back into focus as the only way to the father.
Cheryl Harrison 10/21/10
And God finally said, “STOP”.
I can’t hear anymore.
I am so sick and tired,
Of the way you keep score.


Sobering. Thanks for writing.

Nichole Hall10/21/10
LOVED this! You did such a great job. This piece has great rythym and motion to it. I too enjoyed the part about 'keeping score'. But my favorite part was when God talked about Jesus being the gatekeeper and that if He knew you...all is good. Great job!
Mildred Sheldon10/21/10
I enjoyed this very much. I loved when God said stop. How easily we forget that it is not works that get us into heaven. Thank you for such a poem
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/22/10
I loved this touching conversation with God. Nicely done a few typos but next time hit preview so you can see what your piece will look like.

The ending is a great reminder that many of us need. It's easy to think keeping score will matter. Great message.
c clemons10/22/10
Not sure what "bluff" rhymes with or what it means in this context, but overall this was good. Keep up the good work.
Jan Ackerson 10/24/10
I'm sure most of us recognize ourselves in this poem!

Consider working on rhymes--don't force a rhyme, and look for more complex, interesting rhymes. This may be slightly off-topic, as conversations with God (until we're in heaven) aren't really face to face.

Your meter is very good, and the pacing really works with your subject. I enjoyed this poem.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/28/10
Congratulations for placing 8th in your level!