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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Feel (emotions) (08/26/10)

TITLE: Sweaty Knees
By Diane Loew


“My knees are sweating. Do you hear me? My knees!”

“Yeah, whatever” David replied with an unsympathetic sigh.

“You are so lucky you don’t have to deal with this. Somewhere in the last year my body has been invaded by alien beings and I have no control over too many things.”

“You are just way too dramatic. It can’t be that bad. Millions of women survive this stage in their lives just fine.” David, realizing just how foolish he was to say that out loud, lowered the newspaper he was hiding behind and added “Besides, you still look good.”

“You want a shovel and a pail to help dig yourself out of that one?” Sarah stomped from the room and slammed her bedroom door.

As she flopped back onto her bed she grabbed the phone on the way down. After she bounced to a stop she called her best friend Sue.

“Sue, what am I going to do? How long will this last? Last night I woke up swimming in my bed and the closest water was a room away. Once I changed clothes and the sheets, I was so wide awake I couldn’t get back to sleep. David doesn’t sleep with me anymore because I’m either piling on the blankets or turning up the fan. Besides all of that, all I feel like doing is crying. Why? I cry over advertisements in a magazine – don’t get me started on commercials. I feel like I am going crazy. The other day I found a head of lettuce in the cupboard next to the sugar. At times I feel like I want to jump out of my skin. I did discover that an iced mocha really makes me happy within 20 minutes of drinking it. Do you think that is a sin? Using a drink to make me feel good? Well, it’s not like it’s alcohol or anything, but what do you think, am I bordering on sinning? I really need to know because that’s the last thing I want to do, but I really don’t want to give them up if I don’t have to. And, at the drop of a remark from David, I can go ballistic. If he can’t see I’m having a bad day and try to cheer me up, whom in the world can I count on? After all he’s my husband, isn’t that his job? Just last Sunday, Pastor said, ‘Don’t trust your emotions’. Well, easy for him to say when all he has to do is stand up front and look good once a week. If I had an assistant I would be calm and level headed too. With the picking up and dropping off of kids, cleaning, cooking, washing clothes, and taking care of the yard I am exhausted. That’s another thing, why is it everyone thinks that just because I don’t have a ‘real’ job that I am lounging around the pool sipping colored drinks with umbrellas sprouting from them? David could never do what I do in a day, yet I do it day in and day out without getting a single red cent. Ugh! I just feel so overwhelmed. When will it be my turn? I’ll probably be so old and gray I won’t be able to cross the room fast enough with my walker to go through the door of opportunity. Why oh why must we women have such a cross to bear? You know what I think? It was because of Adam. Yep, if he would have spent more time with Eve she would have been with him, not off cavorting with a snake. I wonder if she had any natural hormones way back then to help her feel better. What do you think? Sue . . . Sue?”

“Um, lady, this is Tom and I’m pretty sure you have the wrong number.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Mildred Sheldon09/02/10
Oh how well I remember. I felt her pain, but the ending was absolutley out of the blue. I didn't see it coming and nearly fell out of my chair with laughter. Thank you for such and enjoyable story. Good job and God bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/06/10
This is hilarious. You did an outstanding job describing the onslaught of emotions. At first I was going to suggest you break it into smaller paragraphs, but the pace matches her frenzied state.
Johnna Postic09/07/10
Love, LOVE the ending!
Daniel Kane09/08/10
Awesome ending. I loved this. You portrayed a ranting woman very well.
Cheryl Harrison09/08/10
Oh my... this was so funny. Loved the title and the ending. Good job.