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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Breathe (08/19/10)

TITLE: Black Lagoons
By Troy Manning


Nelson and Frances went to the Black Lagoon to see if they could find the Creature from it, but the Creature from the Black Lagoon was playing hard to find.

After sitting at the shore for several minutes, Frances thought she saw the Creature playing a brief game of now-you-see-me-now-you-donít. Nelson, however, said he couldnít see a thing because it was too dark.

It took a little while for their retinas to manufacture adequate rhodopsin for efficient night vision. When it did, Nelson and Frances began to gaze into one anotherís eyes.

Nelsonís blue eyes looked to Frances like inviting oceans into which she wanted to drown, if only momentarily.

Francesí brown eyes looked to Nelson like mysterious black lagoons in which the creature he feared himself to be occasionally surfaced. Nelson shuddered at the thought there really could be something so ghastly about him.

Frances anxiously held her breath as she saw herself sinking to the bottom of one of Nelsonís azure seas.

Nelsonís breathing was getting heavier, as the disturbing revelations concerning his depraved inner recesses triggered his asthma.

When the Creature realized Frances was no longer paying attention to it, it began to make loud splashing sounds.

The love that Frances felt welling in her heart buoyed her back to the surface of Nelsonís right iris. She joyfully breached over the bridge of his nose into the exhilarating pool opposite.

The incensed Creature knew that if it were to regain any notice at all, it would have to be more conspicuous.

Unable to bear any longer these ominous disclosures from his most intimate self, Nelson buried his face in his hands.

Reluctant to leave Nelsonís half-ocean yet not wanting to worry her parents as to why she never returned from her date, Frances squeezed through his fingers and rejoined Nelson at the shore.

The Creature, by this time, was nearly standing over them with upheld claws, not unlike the French edition of the poster for the 1954 Universal Pictures movie in which Richard Carlson played it.

Frances put her arms around Nelson, whose breathing had become dangerously labored. It is difficult to say how long she would have remained unaware of the Creatureís proximity if it hadnít emitted an ear-piercing cry that promptly silenced all wildlife in the lagoonís vicinity.

Still, the despair that held Nelsonís heart captive was too profound to be dispelled even by an outburst such as this. As his asthmatic condition became further complicated by his choking sobs, he removed his inhaler and took a long draught.

To spare the oblivious Nelson, Frances quietly surrendered herself to the Creature. It carried her down to the waterís edge and, ultimately, into the black waters.

By the time Nelson discovered Frances was no longer at his side, the ripples on the lagoonís surface had stilled. The dark was giving way to a tranquil dawn.

Nelson had never been aware of the Creatureís presence, as he had been wholly engrossed in his own.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Mildred Sheldon08/26/10
A very interesting story. I don't remember the Black Lagoon too well. That was quite a while ago. Thanks for sharing.
Kara Dunham 08/27/10
I find myself liking your story, though not sure I really get it. The more I think about it, the more I like it and the more I'm confused. :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/28/10
I wonder if there was a back story to this that I missed. But your words drew me in and I was anxious to get to the end and see if the creature had gotten to Nelson.