The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
You did a great job in building up the suspense. I had sensed she had died or was in a coma. I yearn to know more about your character and her story. An editing note- ok is spelled okay. You have a gift with building a suspenseful story, keep writing.
08/17/10
You really brought me into the MC's mind and did a good job of keeping me as confused as she was. The end was a surprise, even though I should have known it. One thing that would have made it read a little more smoothly is to keep it all in one tense. Otherwise, good job.