The Official Writing Challenge
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Liked the story, however the ending was a little vague to me... not sure exactly what you meant by it. Blessings, Amy Verlennich
09/19/05
I have to agree with the above...the story is well written until the last sentence, and I just don't quite get what you mean by you missed it??? Otherwise, it was very strong writing and flow, just need to work on the end a little!
09/20/05
I agree with Amy and Donnah--we're all familiar with the first part of this story, but it would be very interesting to hear more of the innkeeper's story. Did he hear about Jesus as He began His ministry? Was the innkeeper one of the ones who shouted "crucify him!"? I think that's what you were going for, and you write well.
I liked this story told from the innkeepers perspective. Ditto about the ending but I thought the rest was well written and flowed well!
I get the sense that you were trying to convey that the inn keeper 'missed' the great event and regretted it. The writing is good, but it might have worked better if you had started from the point of the inn keeper missing the event and his feelings about that, weaving in the story as a flashback. The idea is a strong one, and the writing is good, so plenty to like. God bless.
09/27/05
Kevin, this was an extremely well written story and rated quite well with the Level 2 judges. The only thing that really let it down was the ending. As you can see from the other commenters, it didn't quite hit the mark that you intended. But be encouraged - you are a very good writer and I'm going to look forward to seeing more by you in future challenges. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
10/24/05
Glad to see you in the challenge again. Very nicely retold in a way to grab the reader. A job well done! :)
11/24/05
I read your work due to your recent critique of my work; and it was VERY good. There were two "simply's" back to back..the second one should be deleted; and there was a let down at the end; but otherwise you have talent and insight..and writing was excellent!