The Official Writing Challenge
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Could be shorter with the same impact.
I liked how you tied in the woman who lead them to Christ! Blessings, Amy Verlennich
09/20/05
The first paragraph had some issues with word choice that almost lost me as a reader, but the subsequent paragraphs won me over. Nice job telling this sweet story.
09/20/05
Very compelling, sweet story! Keep writing.
This is a really nice piece and a lovely story. There was a little repetition in the first and second paragraphs: would have liked to have known more about the children and the family life in their little suite of rooms, it would make the sense of reminisance stronger. But very lovingly told. God bless.
09/27/05
Shirley, this really was a lovely, gentle piece and I want to encourage you to keep writing and entering the Challenge. The thing that stopped your entry from making it into the semi-finals was the repetition of some words in those early paragraphs - such things as "moving van" twice in the same sentence. Try to avoid using the same words too close to one another. In the moving van example, you could have avoided it by saying "...that she had not felt comfortable entrusting to the removalists." The same goes for "Lazy Days" and the main character's name. But I really will look forward to reading more by you in future challenges. This was a very special entry. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)

But keep