The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/29/10
Good story - I enjoyed it and it is convicting. We need reminders often to keep our eyes open to the needs of others. Thank you.
07/29/10
Great story- it's so easy to overlook the needs others have and just want to stick to our own business. Thanks for sharing!
This is a sweet story with an important message. I could see you were working on showing the reader the story rather than just telling it, but you could do even more with that.

Perhaps pepper the story with Amy's thoughts in italics. Describe Sarah with a limp or whatever is causing her to need help. A small editing note the way you used the word compliment it should be spelled with an i not an e. (I just recently learned the difference between these two words thanks to FW!)

I loved how you mentioned that the Holy Spirit guides our heart. So many people don't realize that nagging feeling we get to call someone or go see such and such is the Holy Spirit talking. Thank you for sharing that so important message.
What a beautiful telling of an everyday moment transformed into extraordinary. So neat how you wove in God's Word as the pivotal point in the main character's transformation in heart and attitude (loved the bookmark idea to present the scripture.) This really spoke to my own heart re: how I receive others into my home. Genuine, personal, and great in its description of MC's inner thoughts.
What a wonderful way to shed light on how God's Word changes the way we see things. Good job!