I want to say goodbye to this prison, this embrace of death. I look up and begin to climb, grabbing at thorny vines, desperate for freedom. I do not know how long I have been here. Frowned upon by life itself, I have dug myself into a hole that consumes me. Will time hold me in its hands and smile again?
Night by night I lie in torment, yet solutions never come. Ambivalence is the thief of my absolution. I am afraid perhaps, that if I were to make the decision to leave at last, that life would shovel out another handful of gravel…another handful further down this hole. Deeper still into this abyss would bring darkness I have no ability to comprehend or face.
I close my eyes and try and remember how I got here. The answer is simple: disobedience. I allowed myself to slowly drift away from God, abandoning the One who wanted what was best for me, to seek that which I thought was best for myself. The hole I dug was not suddenly deep, it swallowed me slowly…so slowly that I hardly noticed it get out of my control.
One drink became four drinks. A simple flirtation became an affair. Skipping one Sunday at church, became not going to church at all. I fell deeper and deeper, shovelling through sin until I got to the bottom of a hole I had no way of getting out of alone.
Blood runs down a cross and falls through the cracks in my muddy prison. Tears of regret fall as I realise the mistakes I have made. I fell on my knees and cry oceans of sorrow for the girl I once was. Splinters from the cross I cling too dig into my hands, my blood mixing with His.
Forgiveness for all I have done resonates in the large void surrounding me.
I hear Him whisper, “Climb.”
“But Lord, the hole is so deep.”
“But Jesus, can’t you see the twisted vines, the angry rocks, the piercing thorns?”
“There will always be consequences for your actions. You reap what you sow. My forgiveness does not take away your responsibilities…but you are not alone. You can get out, because I am here with you. I will be your strength. Now…climb.”
I hold on…with bleeding hands I grip poisoned vines.
I will get out,
I will survive,
I will start over,
I will get up from this fall and walk again.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.