The Official Writing Challenge
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05/20/10
I thought that you had an excellent, gripping introduction. My only quibble would be that although Hanif is stated to be a writer, this is merely incidental to your story. But it's good to be reminded that even back in the days of Moses non-Israelites could be accepted as God's people
05/21/10
Interesting thoughts on how someone who wasn't an Israelite might long to know their God after seeing His mighty deeds.I enjoyed your take on the challenge.
Thank you for such a beautiful story. I enjoyed this greatly. Even back in the time of Christ foreigners and aliens were part of Gods chosen people. We serve an awesome, loving God. Good job. Keep writing.
Well done, captivating me in this engaging story. I learn a lot when writers re-tell a biblical account. It always sheds new light on it for me also.
Great story! I, too, like to retell a Bible story from a different character's point of view. This was especially creative! Well done!
A very well written story. I enjoyed the read.
05/24/10
This was wonderfully atmospheric. Great sense of place. I do agree with the previous commenter who said that the prompt seemed incidental to the story, but you did an excellent job developing an intriguing story. Well done.
jostrick

I found the missing word!

I thought your story veered off the topic of "A writer's life" but it shone with the glory of God's forgiveness.

Picking up the pieces of the broken tablet on which God had written, Hanif's broken stony heart was pierced by Grace.

I'm glad I came back to read this.
05/24/10
I always love stories drawn from the bible. You did a wonderful job pulling the reader in to the scene and Hanif's emotions. I really, really like this one!
05/24/10
I loved that he picked up the broken stone tablet, and acknowleged it was carved by God. Powerful work! Very, very good!
Thanks for a powerful story of God's grace in the time of Moses and the Israelites.
To read of Hanif grasping the pieces of stone and crying out to an unknown God who would forgive him, was breathtaking.
05/25/10
I'm reluctant to guess what you think is wrong with this piece because I thought it was one of the best written stories in Intermediate this week! It may have been slightly off-topic (is that what you thought was wrong?) but with your obviously natural talent for story-telling, I guaruntee you'll be in Advanced in no time! :D

I thought the story was very creative - told from a point of view that many would not consider from someone who traveled with the Israelites. Many people who only know surface knowledge about the Bible may not know that Egyptians also joined the Israelites in leaving Egypt, so I think that's a great thing to base a story around. This story would be perfect to include in a book! An entire story about Hanif and his past and his search for acceptance . . . and God.

All in all, this story is wonderful! Keep up the awesome writing!
Like all good stories, this hooked me from the very first sentence and drew me along.

I didn't find the missing word, only a missing apostrophe, and an apostrophe where one shouldn't be :-)

This may have been light on topic, but it was probably the best non-poetry entry I've read so far. It was extremely creative and even though I've read the account of the children of Israel in the desert many times, but this was certainly not from an angle I'd ever considered before.

The vision of Hanif on his face before God crying out for mercy and his realisation that God had heard him and had indeed granted that mercy brought tears to my eyes.

This was well written, full of emotion and I loved it. I also would like to read more about Hanif as he draws closer to the God who hears and accepts sinners. Well done!

05/27/10
Yay! You got third place!!! Told ya this was a good one. ;)
05/27/10
Nice dramatic characterization. Congratulations on your ribbon! :) ("Inexplicitly" should be "Inexplicably")
I thought this was excellent! I appreciate your writing style, your deep thoughts and emotions, and the uniqueness of the subject you chose to write about. Indeed, God is merciful to all! Congratulations with your winning award. God bless you richly, fellow writer.
Congratulations on a well-deserved third place, Joanna! Your entry was the first one I looked for when I woke up this morning. Well done!