The Official Writing Challenge
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I loved your story. No other pen is mightier than Gods. Thank you for sharing.
This is a delightful story. One that should definitely be shared so people remember what it was like and how times have changed and hopefully how life will continue to progress towards the wonderful vision that Gideon believed in.
04/15/10
Thanks for letting me walk with you. I felt like there were three of us on the path and I enjoyed getting to know Gideon and hear his message. Nice writing.
04/15/10
Great story - I love the non-prejudiced friendship between the two seemingly different characters, especially within the setting that it takes place.

A great reminder that neither age nor color of skin can separate us or prevent us from showing love to all of God's people.
I loved this in EVERY respect. Great story!
04/17/10
Well done. Thanks for sharing!
04/19/10
Good job at helping us with that "you are there" feeling.

There may have been more "tell" than "show" in parts of this.

I have a thread in the forums (link at the top of the page) called "Jan's Writing Basics", aimed toward beginning and intermediate writers. I'd love to see you there!

I love the way you interpreted the topic phrase--you really captured its meaning without over-literalness.
I enjoyed this. I think a little more show would have helped tweak it nicely (show being less narration more sensual (senses, not sexy)). One little quibble, Bible is the name of a book- needs capitalization- also helps readers know it's "the Bible" and not just a bible of poetry :)

I felt the heat, I saw the crowd, and I walked with you. It's hard to squeeze in details & give plot & keep it under 750 words, but the better you get at it the closer to the next round you hop. In my opinion. :)

Nice interpretation of topic & overall very well done.
04/20/10
You built this story in a very realistic step by step fashion. My only regret was that I didn't have my hankie in hand to wipe the sweat off my own brow as I walked down that hot Georgia road with you. Good job on this story.
04/20/10
I really enjoyed the descriptive parts of your entry!
04/20/10
I loved the simplicity of common decency and camaraderie between the two very differnt men.

They seemed to accept each other as ageless-colorless traveling companions and kindred spirits!

If only we could see one another in such a manner.

Thank You for a splendid story. God's blessings.
I really enjoyed this story. I could picture the burning cross and setting.
04/20/10
...and like Gideon we still wait for that day... but IT IS COMING! ;) I enjoyed this story!
04/21/10
SO much atmosphere in here! Great details and I could really feel the heat. I'm glad it had a good ending. nicely done!
I like the way you unfolded the story, little by little, letting us get acquainted with the characters, even before we realized what an unlikely friendship for that time theirs was. Well done.
04/21/10
I liked that you used the Bible as the "pen"...being that it's a sword as well.

Something I've learned on FW to save words and force me to think of how to phrase things in a more creative way. If you look through and remove the "as" and "had" words and try to restructure your sentences without them, you can form stronger visual phrases and save words too.

Good job on the topic.
Wow, I loved this story. Thanks. Awesome Writing. I enjoyed getting to know Gideon. Keep Writing.
Very impressed that this is your first challenge story. Great job. I agree that I would love to see a little more "showing" like getting to hear the exact dialogue as Gideon and the MC (main character) talked. Love the story.
04/21/10
I think what grabbed me the most was that they shared a canteen. To me, I thought about how they shared Living water as well. No matter if it is the heat of the day or that of the KKK, they had the water.

mona
04/22/10
Congrats on getting Highly Commended!!! :D I'll bet you'll be getting some big wins before long. ;)
Angela,
Congratulations on your winning piece. The beginning swooped me into the picture....I felt the heat of day as you described well the walk into the city. Plus your characters' converstions were realistic.