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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Hmph! (03/04/10)

TITLE: Facing the Future
By Sarah Heywood
03/10/10


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Facing the Future

Hmph! Gripping the edge of the mattress, back to my husband, I willed myself to not even accidentally touch the smallest bit of him. I was hurt. And I was angry. How could he not see that I was right and he was totally wrong? He might not bend to my will, but I would make him pay! From now on, I was no longer his wife. Oh, I wasnt running off to a divorce lawyer, but I began to devise ways in my sinful mind to punish my husband for his insensitivity. Hed be sorry!

Sound familiar? I hope not! But more than likely, this is a scenario that has played itself out in your own bedroom at one time or another. Marital conflict is a given in almost every marriage. I remember being so shocked after my first big fight with my husband as a newlywed. How had the man I had lovingly said, I do to only months before, turned into this pig-headed, idiotic, selfish monster? I was positive I had just made the worst mistake of my life in marrying him. And now I was stuck! As I envisioned the rest of my life, I saw myself unhappily shackled to this man I no longer recognized.

I didnt know it, but the Lord was about to start a great work in me. My husband and I made up after that first big fight, but our relationship began to get stuck into a pattern that was not God-honoring or beneficial to the growth of our marriage. Things would be fine most of the time, but then my husband would say or do something that irritated me. Id snap at him, hed snap back, and it would escalate from there. We started our family and then I had raging hormones on top of being extra-sensitive normally. It wasnt a fun time!

As I would read my Bible, I could see that my own marriage was not what God intended. It became evident to me that God had given us an example of what He intended marriage to consist of with His relationship with the Church. As I compared my earthly marriage to Gods marriage with his people, I could sadly see that mine was lacking. So what was I to do? Every magazine article I read, every talk show on television, and a whole lot of my friends told me that if I wasnt happy, I should leave. After all, my husband wasnt being sensitive to my needs and I deserved to be happy!

It took years, much prayer, many tears, and a whole lot of focusing on my own shortcomings, but I finally latched onto some principles that radically changed my marriage. I learned to treat my husband with respect. I looked for things to admire in him - and told him what I saw. I became both inwardly and outwardly appreciative of the man he was and all that he did for our children and me. I learned (well, Im still learning this one!) to hold my tongue when Im initially offended by him. I found that if I approached him later, and not in the heat of the moment, he was generally more willing to see my side of things. I learned to forgive him.

Its been seventeen years now since that first big fight. Id love to say that we fixed all our incompatibilities and every day with each other is like walking through a field of clover - all sweetness and light. But its not! We still struggle with our sinful natures and there are plenty of stressors in our life that can easily tip us into disagreements. But our marriage is strong and healthy now as I continue to implement the concepts of respect, submission, and affection.

We have seen a number of couples we know walk away from their marriages. The pain of that was easier to handle than the work of making things right. And that makes me so sad because I know we could have easily been among them.

I still mutter, hmph every so often and there are moments that Id cheerfully throttle my husband! But Im so thankful for the things God taught me and for the marital truths Ive managed to latch onto throughout the years. I dont dread the future anymore. Instead, I embrace it, especially if it means Im walking into it with my husband by my side.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Angie Ragg03/11/10
Thank you for your truth. Coming up on our 20th, I could write a novel on this issue. Marriage is glorious and exhausting. With the Lord, we are a three stranded cord. Not easily broken. Stay the course. Thanks!
Judy Wood03/11/10
How true.People aren't very committed to their marriages. It's a sad thing to see so many homes broken apart. We need to live by God's word.
AnneRene' Capp 03/12/10
You are ministering to every single woman who reads this and I say, thank you for being so open and honest.

This is what we sisters need to hear from one another when the going gets tough in our marriages.

It's about allowing God to work in and through us and tempering those moments we still want to "throttle them", and pretty sure most of the time they need it, but we don't do it :).