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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Eek! (02/25/10)

TITLE: First Job
By Sunny Loomis



“It has come to my attention that a great opportunity has opened up
for us.” Quincy stated. “We need to act on it as soon as possible.”

Henry and Gordon nodded their heads in agreement. Henry felt
nervous and excited at the same time. This would be his first job
with his brothers. His whiskers and nose twitched, and he scratched
his little round mouse belly.

On Saturday night they all slowly crawled into the living room to
survey the scene. In front of the brick fireplace, Henry saw the bowl
full of tasty dog biscuits, making his mouth water. Gordon chose to
haul his load behind the stack of logs. Beyond the fireplace stood
the TV stand where Quincy would stash his. Henry gazed across the
room at his target, the blue denim couch. It was a vast, dangerous
distance to him.

Henry’s first problem appeared when he started across the large
multi-colored oriental rug. He looked at all the swirly designs
under his feet. He tried following a narrow circular path, but that
turned him around facing the wrong direction. Next, he decided
on another design, but that one led him off to the left. Henry
figured the only way he’d make it across that rug, before he got
old, was to close his eyes. Besides, all those patterns were making
him dizzy.

He aimed himself at the couch, hoisted the biscuit under his arm,
shut his eyes, and marched straight ahead until he bumped right into
it. Scampering up, he stuffed the biscuit behind the cushions. After
doing this several times, he had to stop and catch his breath, wheezing.


Quincy saw that Henry was tiring quickly, running back and forth,
but he knew of something that might be useful. He dragged a devise
from the bottom shelf of the bookcase. It had a handle which separated
at the top into a “Y” shape, with two long elastics attached to that.
Henry thought this was one of the silliest things he’d ever seen. Quincy
explained how a slingshot worked.

“You have got to be kidding!”

Quincy stuck the handle into a mouse hole in front of the bowl. Henry
climbed onto the pile of biscuits and took hold of the pouch that joined
the elastics. He needed to focus because the treats shifted every time
he moved. With each foot on different biscuits and holding the elastics
like reins, Henry pretended he was riding two horses in the center ring
of a circus.

Henry placed a biscuit in the pouch, backed up until he stood on the
opposite rim of the bowl, and let it go. His eyes widened as he watched
the biscuit sail through the air across the room, hitting the wall just above
the couch.

“Wow,” Henry let the word out slowly.

Quincy stopped to watch.

“Aim lower.”

The next one bounced off the back of the couch and plopped neatly on
the cushion.

“This thing is AMAZING!”

While backing up for another shot, Henry tried to free his arm which
had gotten tangled in the pouch.

The next thing Henry knew, he was flying through the air! His arms and
legs flapped wildly, his eyes and mouth wide with fear.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!” echoed across the room.

Henry hit the couch and bounced off the back, landing on something hard.


Immediately light and sound flooded the room. Henry jumped off the TV

“Turn it off!” Quincy squealed.

In a state of panic, Henry stared at it. His stomach turned a flip, and he
couldn’t think with all the noise. Jumping back on the remote, he danced
around on as many buttons as quickly as he could. The noise grew louder,
but then, sudden silence.

Henry stopped…breathing hard…afraid he would throw up.

“Hide!” Quincy screamed, as they heard the dog coming downstairs.

Henry grabbed the biscuit and disappeared into the couch, just as the dog
bounded into the living room, growling. Sniffing around for intruders,
the dog snatched a snack and returned upstairs. Henry’s heart had slowed
down a bit and he loosened his grip on the biscuit. He’d think twice before
agreeing to help with the next job.

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This article has been read 853 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 03/04/10
Clever and fun - and who would think it would be a MOUSE screaming "eek?" Enjoyed this!
AnneRene' Capp03/04/10
This was definitely entertaining. I loved the mental picture of the dog biscuit being hoisted under his little arm.:)
Great lighthearted fun! Could actually see this as kids cartoon.
Jan Ackerson 03/05/10
Clever twist on the topic!
Allen Stark03/05/10
A clever and fun read. One of the best at this level.
Marilyn Schnepp 03/07/10
Wow! What a delightful read after reading what we might call "Regulars". Not only Funny, creative and absolutely outlandish - but also Amusing, Enjoyable! Delightful and definitely "Different." A fun read, and don't make this "First Job" (a take on your Title) your Last Job, Okay? keep on writing! (^.^)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/07/10
This is hysterical. Definitely my type of story.
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/08/10
Delightful story! You've really put a creative twist on the topic.
Phee Paradise 03/08/10
I really enjoyed it too. It was very clever. But I was a little confused about the "load" at the beginning. I didn't realize until the fifth paragraph that they were moving dog biscuits. Maybe I'm just dense.
Marita Thelander 03/09/10
I could totally picture the mouse sailing through the air or dancing on the remote. : )Too funny.
Beth LaBuff 03/09/10
That Henry is a favorite of mine. :) He's such a clever rodent, too. Who would have thought to propel your food with a slingshot. :) You have a lot of fun stuff in this story!
Patty Wysong03/10/10
This is fun and cute! And I could just see Henry dancing on the remote trying to hit as many buttons as he could. Loved it!
william price03/10/10
What a hoot. A great character in Henry. Very, very kool and entertaining. Well done. I'm impressed. God bless.
Kate Oliver Webb 03/10/10
VERY cute, and very well done! It can be difficult doing the human thing with animals -- but you caught it perfectly. Congrats!
Yvonne Blake 03/11/10
Yay, Sunny! I knew Henry would be a star someday!
Beth LaBuff 03/11/10
Sunny! Look at your ribbon. Now up to Advanced... take care of that Henry! :) Super congrats!
Sara Harricharan 03/11/10
:P A truly eek-worthy story! ROFL! I loved Henry and Quincy. heehee--a slingshot, who would've guessed?((and congrats! Up to level 3 you go!))
Carol Penhorwood 03/11/10
Super entertaining, Sunny! I loved this and would love to read it to my grandchildren. It should be in a book...you could take this lots of places with this family of mice.

A book, please!!! I want more.

Not crazy about having you in competition in the "Advanced" level though. LOL
Helen Dowd07/06/10
Just what I needed today, something light-hearted. This was entertaining and very original. Keep on using your great imagination. You'll go far. We NEED imagination to survive in this life. Like another commenter said, "Don't make this FIRST JOB you last. Write more!!! Helen
Thanks for your comment on my article about my sister and her broken knee.
Kingdom Citizen01/09/11
Great JOb...God bless you.Amen.
Claire Vorster01/28/11
Love this story Sonny. Funny and well written.

Keep at it, you're good.

Gary Ritter 03/19/14
Thanks for commenting on my story. I volunteer with the Voice of the Martyrs so I've got too many of them like that that I could write.

Though this is an older story of yours, I enjoyed it. Loved the mouse getting dizzy from the pattern on the rug!