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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Huh? (01/21/10)

TITLE: The True Fairytale
By Dr. Sharon Schuetz


It happened just after dawn. The sun had been up for less than an hour. I woke up early that morning because I had to be at work before seven oíclock. Traffic was impossible on Fridays, so I always allowed myself plenty of time. Who would have believed then how little that would have mattered?

I had heard people say it was going to happen all my life. I never truly believed it. I guess I just thought it was a fairy tale. But it wasnít. Everyone was surprised when the clouds lowered to the ground and people started disappearing all around us. I was stuck in traffic in the inbound lane, and I never saw it coming. I had never seen anything like it. Nobody had.

The morning sun was shining bright, which made it even scarier when the clouds all dropped out of the sky and settled to the earth. I donít know if it was the sun reflecting off them or not, but the edges of every cloud seemed to have a gold shimmer. Then suddenly cars all around me were empty. Boy was I glad to be sitting in traffic that morning. At least those of us lucky enough to be stopped, werenít in one of thousands of accidents on the highways.

A lot of people died that day. Planes dropped out of the sky when the flight crews disappeared. Trains derailed. Even the United States Presidentís plane lost its captain. It was a good thing the co-pilot was still there or America would have been in even more trouble. At least a dozen nations lost their leaders. Not that it mattered since the new World Federation Chancellor declared indefinite global Marshall Law.

I guess my mama went up there in heaven with Jesus. She always told me that someday he was going to come after his church. Well, thatís what I think happened, anyway. It would have been so much easier if I could have just believed what the World Federation mouth pieces told us had happened. But, somehow, men from outer space snatching away millions of people from earth at the same time just didnít make sense; especially, since most of those people were church goers and little kids. Nope, I believed it was what my mama called the rapture. I donít know why it caught everyone by surprise. We heard about it all our lives. Yet, in the end, we still couldnít believe it happened.

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This article has been read 542 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lisa Tyre01/29/10
Well done. I want to hear more!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/30/10
A very chilling story. Well told and very believable. It was well-written and very thought provoking.
Mildred Sheldon02/01/10
What a different take on the rapture. I enjoyed this thoroughly. Keep writing and God bless.
Beth LaBuff 02/01/10
Great past-tense telling of a future event! It will truly be THE GREAT "huh?" moment. Good creativity!
Joy Faire Stewart02/02/10
I was drawn in by the first paragraph and was not disappointed by the remaining message. Excellent!
Celeste Ammirata02/02/10
I was drawn into your story right away. It is well written and flows easily. One thing I would have liked is to feel more of her terror. She sounded so matter-of fact about it. Great story, though.
Carol Penhorwood 02/02/10
Hopefully I'm not around to read about it when it happens!
Verna Cole Mitchell 02/03/10
I've wondered what "spin" would be put on the disappearance of Christians and little children after the rapture. Well thought out and written story.
Daun Jacobsen02/03/10
Good job, a well-known future event told with a different angle. The tone was a bit matter of fact, but I could definitely see it as part of a larger work. I loved the cloud description, it gave me goosebumps.
Loren T. Lowery02/03/10
Love stories like this and this one is both very readable and believable. It looks like you had some extra space for more words to flesh out the storyline to make it even more intriguing - but I certainly liked what you did write.
Fay Ternan02/03/10
True Future tale, well written. Felt like you could have added even more description.
Kate Oliver Webb 02/03/10
I, too, noticed the "matter of fact" tone, but for me it felt more like it was being told by someone whose experience that morning had left them numb, and the narrative had a rather surreal, almost eerie quality to it. Well done!
Rita Garcia02/04/10
I agree with Lisa, I want to hear more!
I enjoyed the many layers to this story. Great painting with words.