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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Huh? (01/21/10)

TITLE: The Salvation Plan
By Scarlett Farr
01/24/10


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“Do you really think he’s coming with us?” Shari asked excitedly.

“He said he would meet us in the lobby,” answered Betsy.

Sure enough, at 11:45 Shari and Betsy stepped off the elevator to find Tommy waiting. They had been working up to this for weeks. Little by little, they dropped hints and asked probing questions to determine if he was a Christian. Although he had given no direct indication, he had not balked at their attempts so far. Agreeing to go to a prayer vigil at noon was a huge sign they had made some headway.

As they started up the hill toward City Hall, Betsy took the initiative and began firing questions at Tommy. “Do you go to church anywhere, what denomination do you prefer?” For three or four minutes, she talked so fast she barely let Tommy answer before launching into another question. Shari was relieved Betsy kept the conversation going. She did not have the gift to talk off the cuff as easily as Betsy.

As they approached the traffic light and waited to cross, Betsy suddenly stopped talking. Shari looked past Tommy and saw that Betsy had a disturbed look on her face. “Oh no,” thought Shari, “Tommy must have said something to upset her. Darn, I wasn’t listening. What were they just talking about?”

They crossed the street and Shari looked at Betsy again. That look was still on her face. “So, Tommy, have you ever been to a prayer vigil before?” Shari questioned, racking her brain for something to say.

“No, can’t say that I have.” Tommy replied.

“Tommy doesn’t seem upset. What could possibly be wrong with Betsy?” Shari wondered. She continued to force small talk with Tommy the remaining two blocks while Betsy remained silent. After the prayer vigil they started the walk back down the hill to their office building.

Betsy said nothing the entire trip back. Tommy didn’t seem fazed by her silence and talked with Shari as they strolled down the sidewalk. Shari broached the subject of baptism and Tommy revealed he had never been baptized. At last, the long-awaited confession had been made. Shari looked at Betsy, hopeful she would rejoin the conversation. Nothing, except for the continued strained look on Betsy’s face. “What on earth has upset her?” Shari worried. The three stepped onto the elevator and pushed their respective floor buttons. As Tommy got off on his floor, he said, “Thanks for inviting me. It was interesting. Maybe I’ll go again next week.”

Shari was elated as the elevator doors closed and she turned to Betsy to give her a high-five. Before she could raise her arm, Betsy blurted out, “Well, that was awkward!”

Stunned, the only thing Shari could say was, “Huh?”

“That was a miserable experience.” Betsy continued as she began writhing about as if a bug had crawled up her skirt.

“What are you talking about?” Shari retorted. “Tommy just agreed to go to prayer vigil next week. He’s clearly interested in learning more about Jesus. How could you possibly call that be a disaster? And, why are you wiggling about like a crazy woman?”

“I’m trying to get situated.” Betsy replied, still writhing about.

“Huh?” Shari asked again, completely confused.

“My pantyhose have been sliding down since we left for prayer vigil. Half-way up the hill they started pulling my underwear down with them. I’ve been trying to hold them up without drawing attention to myself. It wasn’t obvious was it?” Betsy asked hopefully.

“Your underwear has been drooping for over an hour?” Shari asked, trying to hold back a snorting laugh.

“Yes, it was horrible,” protested Betsy. “I thought I had lost them at the second traffic light. I haven’t heard a word you two said because all I could think about was my underwear falling around my ankles.”

Shari couldn’t hold her laughter any longer and Betsy couldn’t hold her underwear any longer. As Shari wiped tears from her eyes, Betsy reached under her skirt and tugged her underwear and pantyhose into their proper places. Then she joined in the laughter with Shari.

After they calmed down, Betsy asked, “So do you think Tommy might be considering accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior?”

“It’s possible,” Shari answered, “but you better wear pants next week just in case. I can just see the headline now: ‘Man’s salvation so unbelievable underwear falls off bystander’”.

“Good idea,” Betsy agreed as they parted ways in the hall.


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This article has been read 529 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jackie Wilson01/28/10
This was a hoot! Very funny! And what woman among us (at least, those of us over 40?) doesn't know that miserable, drooping feeling, which usually comes at the most inopportune time? Great job on the writing!
Michelle Knoll 01/28/10
Oh, wow. You had me hanging on every word, that is, until the "problem" was revealed! And then I laughed and laughed! How funny! I can imagine the whole scene! Great story!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/30/10
Very funny. You painted a vivid picture, I could easily see the underwear dangling. Good job.
Mildred Sheldon01/31/10
What an amusing story. I nearly choked when you explained the problem. That actually happened. My mother walked out behind this woman when the elastic broke and her underwear fell down around her ankles. Mom said the lady just politely stepped out of her underwear and kept on walking as if nothing had happened. That was over 60 years ago. Thanks for the reminder. Keep writing and God bless.
Scarlett Farr 01/31/10
Oh my gosh - I remember a relative telling me about their underwear falling down and calmly stepping out of it -- about 60 years ago! How crazy is that!
Celeste Ammirata02/01/10
This is so cute, and true to the Teen dialogue. I love that they had the courage to invite Tommy to the prayer vigil. Great job!
Beth LaBuff 02/01/10
What a riot! A lot of fun stuff AND a good message too. Your ending was LOL funny!
Sarah Elisabeth 02/01/10
Oh my, hilarious!

I thought the main characters were young adults until the part about returning to their office building, indicating they were adult co-workers, not schoolmates. Sometimes it's hard to indicate the right age for your MC's, without actually telling it.

Great work bringing this funny story alive!
Jan Ackerson 02/01/10
Really funny situation--I love the way you described the intense look on her face.

Take a look at your dialog tags. You rarely need to supplement the verb with an -ly adverb...and often just "said" or "asked" will do. Use the words of the dialog itself to indicate emotion.

I can't imagine how embarrassing that would be...
Joy Faire Stewart02/01/10
I enjoyed the humor woven around the plan of Salvation. Funny!
Carol Slider 02/02/10
I wasn't expecting that! This was a lot of fun to read--good job!
c clemons02/02/10
I liked it!
Patricia Herchenroether02/03/10
Too funny. I had all kinds of ideas as to what the problem was, but definitely not that! :)
Verna Cole Mitchell 02/03/10
I particularly liked the suspense of what the problem might be and then the humor of your character's startling revelation.
Edmond Ng 02/03/10
A very humorous and well written piece!
Loren T. Lowery02/03/10
Enjoyed this immensely, and I liked the way you were able to break up the intensity of the message with a real life situation (that happens to all of us in one form or another) and come back to it at the end to nicely tie the story together. Well done!
Fay Ternan02/03/10
Funny and effective. Keep it coming!