Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Ow! (01/07/10)
TITLE: Edgar's Telegram
By Troy Manning
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The bungee cord had snapped so Edgar Brumley requested his money back. He thought it odd that no one seemed to hear him. Even threatening them with a lawsuit didn’t seem to help. He then realized English wasn’t their primary language so he tried raising his voice. When that didn’t work either, he returned to home to advise his wife to collect on his life-insurance policy. Although she had a hard time hearing let alone seeing her husband since he had passed, she could often smell his Aqua Velva after-shave. Because of this, Edgar and Allison were eventually able to establish some communication. One waft would mean she was in grave danger. Two meant he was hungry, three that he loved her, and four if he wasn’t going to show. It generally took awhile for the after-shave scent to dissipate so there was often a risk of getting their wires crossed. The first incident happened when she assumed the lingering scent must have been the result of two wafts rather than one. So instead of running for her life, she prepared a salami sandwich. The only reason she survived when the Solvang Mangler broke into her house was because she was cutting cheddar cheese with a more formidable blade than that wielded by the Mangler. Rather than allow her to think she could intimidate him by this display of one-upmanship, he took a defiant bite from Edgar’s sandwich then reached for a machete. But before he could extract it from a sheath at his side, Allison Brumley eviscerated the better part of his upper lip along with much of its moustache. The Mangler tried three times to spit the bite back out but all he managed to expel was air. What she at first thought to be the smell of Scope mouthwash, she soon realized was Aqua Velva and that all of this was just Edgar’s droll way of telling her he loved her. But she had to admit it was an improvement on his singing telegrams
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