Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: It's a Colorful World (12/03/09)
TITLE: The Colorful World of an Editor
By stanley Bednarz
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This letter is to inform you that, in regards to your manuscript, "Motel Seven," we are unable to accept your story at this time. We only take brilliant stories, from brilliant writers. That's who we are, that's what we do. For us black and white stories will just not do. You may do fine writing on "faith," but here at "Brilliant World," we require more.
This does not mean that you, or your story doesn't exhibit flashes of brilliance. In fact, much of your imagery has potential. For example, the scene in the motel room where the property owner comes in startling the unaware guest: This has knockout potential. I would even suggest magnifying the conflict. You have the ability to create vivid characters that make lasting impressions, just not with me.
I would suggest focusing more on internal thoughts, to balance the action. In this story, we need to know more about what actually troubles our guest in room number seven. Leaving us in the dark about the main character will not do. It's all about color! This can help you develop a better resolution, which I felt was lacking in your character. Simply having the character whirl away in a helicopter, waving goodbye to the motel owner is simply bland, and does not explore all the colorful possibilities out their for a sound ending. This still may not make you brilliant, but it could get you to an advanced level.
While you have a creative imagination, and this piece is unusual, may I also suggest for you to get your mechanical aspects up to a standard of excellence. You are what editor's in this business call "Mechanically challenged." First watch your tenses. It was like you were trying to sit on a fence between present and past. For goodness sake man! Make up your mind! Only Rod Serling from the "Twilight Zone," could have been proud of you. Second, vary your sentence structure. Seeing the word (I) beginning in a sentence all the time can loose its value. Now read my lips, and say the word "redundant." Loose your needless adverbs, and adjectives too. This can help you tighten your story. Filling us with a plethora of details can leave a reader spellbound to the point of exhaustion. In addition, I have read some of those writing challenges, and sometimes even 750 words can put me to sleep. So take my advice, free doesn't get any cheaper.
Now as for spelling, keep in mind that wine is whine, if you act like a big baby, whether as the protagonist, or as a lonely writer sitting there reading this, be sure you can spell it. Just don't confuse this word with my favorite, red wine. Not that I drink the stuff, unless you are a stalker, and will keep bothering me with your scribbling, then, and only then I might feel the need to stun my senses.
OH and PLEASE, no clichˇ's. If you want to call the man's forearms "vibrating tuning forks," then go ahead. But just try and be original. As I said earlier, you have good descriptions, perhaps a little too much, but good ones, not brilliant, like our clients, but just okay. Keep writing. Don't give up, like me. I aspired to be a writer, and now look what I do. I separate the wheat from the tare. I have a big pile of manuscripts, not worthy of our time, yours is only one of them. But think about how nice I was to send you on your little way. So, don't give up, or you will make me look like a jerk for even helping you!
Keep in mind we are here for you, only when you are in a state of brilliance, other than that you might want to try, "Vanity Publishing." Please don't think that as an editor, I tend to be full of myself. It's my job to destroy you, so you can come back as a brilliant mutated writer.
Keep writing for those "Faith Writers," after all what do you have to loose. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
P.S. Perhaps you might want to try writing in color. Start with crayons first. Perhaps pictures would help.
Senior Editor of Brilliant Publishing
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