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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Luggage (08/15/05)

TITLE: "Sorry Madam, No excess!"
By Genstacia Bull


Her heart huffed like the Thomas tank engine; each step placed more pressure on her already overworked lungs. In between wheezing Meredith was still ranting to herself about her cousin Fred, what he did and should not have done. The family feud has been passed down from one generation to another, that Meredith did not even know what she was so angry about she just knew she had been robbed of some inheritance and now the financial challenges had reached a climax she needed an outlet to vent her fury.

Her podgy bowlegs increased its pace and her worn out shoes kicked against the dust. She seethed with anger by the time she arrived at Fred’s door, this turned into an explosive outburst when she found out Fred was not in and has gone on a cruise with his wife. The twins could not make head or tail about what their Aunty Meredith was so furious about. They asked her in for a glass of water because she looked like she was going to pass out.

She barely got inside when she started clutching her chest and gasping for air. Matt gave a nervous look at her twin sister. Everything Mary learnt about first aid went out of her head; Matt saw the fright on her face and reached for the phone to call the emergency services. They lived a stone throw from the General Hospital so the ambulance was there in no time. Mary had somehow recovered from the initial shock, she went to work ignoring the smudged green glittering nail polish from when she tried to stabilise her aunt.

The sirens sounded off with a petrified Matt and Mary at the back. Meredith sub conscious mind was still dwelling on things of the past. Old hurts. She still had not recovered from how her teenage love jilted her at the last minute for best friend, why did her dad have to die just when she was about to enter college and she had to give up her education to help her mother out with younger siblings and how did Fred’s father end up with all the inheritance. She does not even know the details but that was the word on the family grapevine and she believed it. The regrets, the hurts, and the pain, seemed to come to the surface and choked her even further her chest felt so tight. She felt herself drift away, she remembered what her ‘goody goody’ colleague said about forgiveness and how she felt better when she dropped the baggage of unresolved issues of her past. She remembered her look of contempt and the snide comment she made about her keeping her religion to herself. It all made sense now. “Ms Brookes” she heard the smug voice of a young doctor, “Seems like you had a lot of luggage on your heart.”

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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 08/26/05
A few edits would improve this heartfelt piece. Be careful of switching from present to past tense. A good lesson to those having family difficulties.
Shari Brian08/27/05
A good story. With a little more attention to detail, it will be a great entry.