Do you know what annoys me?
Questions like that.
I mean really, how am I (or you, in this case) supposed to know the answer to that?
So, do you WANT to know what annoys me?
People who ask questions like that, in written documents.
For goodness sake, we’re not texting each other. This is a blog post! It’s not like I’m going to wait for you to respond before I continue.
So, here is what annoys me - whether you do know, want to know, both or neither.
The colour purple.
Purple drives me crazy. It has such an attitude problem.
Recently, I had a chance to sit down with Purple and the discussion was…well…colourful.
The following is the transcript from that meeting:
Timmy – Purple, thanks so much for joining me today.
Purple – It is your pleasure.
Timmy – Pardon me?
Purple – You are pardoned.
Timmy – Um…I’m not sure about this, but it does seem that you are speaking down to me. I certainly apologize if I’ve misread your tone.
Purple – Oh, it is I that should be sorry. I meant to make it much more obvious.
Timmy – So, you are talking down to me.
Purple – You are surprised?
Timmy – A little.
Purple – I am Purple.
Timmy – Yes…I see that.
Purple – I am the colour of royalty.
Timmy – Are you serious!?
Purple – I am as serious as you are slow.
Timmy – Hey, wait a second!
Purple – Commoner.
Timmy – Whoa, listen here, Mr. Last Colour on the Rainbow…
Purple – That is Violet. I am Purple.
Timmy – Really?…so you couldn’t even make the rainbow!
Purple – I do not need to defend…
Timmy – So, you’re not a primary colour…or even a secondary colour. You, my friend, are nothing but a third-rate…
Purple – I AM ROYALTY!
Timmy – Oh, you’re royal alright. A royal pain in my…
Purple – I will not stand for this!
Timmy – Look, you haven’t been the colour of royalty since all ink & dyes became affordable to everyone.
Purple – I am a colour that has no equal! I can not be rhymed!
Timmy – Either can Orange.
Purple – No! It can not be! Orange is the colour of criminals!
Timmy – And Hall Monitors.
Purple – I will not be humiliated like this!
Timmy – Purple Nurple!
Purple – We’re done here.
Timmy – Oh, you were done a while ago.
Purple – Good night!
Timmy – Tell Violet I said “Hi”.
Purple. What a Maroon.
“Answer a fool as his folly deserves, that he not be wise in his own eyes.” Prov. 26:5 (NASB)
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