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What do I say to one I have loved and lost? Do I tell you how much you mean to me, or plead with God to bring you back as I had no time to prepare for your departure? If I had known you were not coming back to live with us again I would have held on just a little tighter as I kissed you good-bye. Because my heart breaks each time I see a picture of your little smiling face.
I remember clearly the day you arrived it was such a beautiful day, the sun shining brightly in the beautiful blue sky, with only an occasional white puffy cloud on the horizon. Your mother and I had been up all night, and day waiting for your arrival when the doctor came in to check your mother’s progress one last time, before she declared you were too big to come naturally, she would have to take you by C-Section.
All at once the room was a hub of activity, as they prepared your mother to go to the surgical suite. The nurse handed me a pair of white paper coveralls, a mask, shoe covers and gloves. As I put it all on, and turned to look in the mirror I had to laugh because I looked like the big Stay-puff marshmallow man from The Ghostbusters movie. They instructed me to remain in the room until they came to get me, so I walked out of the bathroom to find our minister sitting beside your grandfather. They tried their best not to laugh seeing me in that big white suit, but I have to admit I was the first one to giggle, and then they followed suit.
But, as I entered the surgical suite full of people I became serious once more. I had the honor of being the one to hold your mother’s hand as they made the incision, and pulled you up out of your mother’s womb. You began to cry almost immediately, and they cut the cord, wrapped you up, and placed a little beanie on your head before they handed you to your mother. I will never forget the pleasure of seeing you for the first time, my first grandchild, Coltyn Jamison Riggs. Your complexion was pink, and you had such a beautiful peaceful face as you laid there calmly in your mother’s arms.
You and I had a special relationship from the beginning, every time you caught me at my computer you automatically thought that was your cue to climb up in my arms, and rock back and forth as we listened to Contemporary Christian music. I’m not sure who enjoyed it the most me, or you. You could not wait for me to come home from work in the evenings as you knew that was your time to get down on the floor with “Am-Ma” and play with your toys, we would romp around on the floor, and giggle; those are the precious memories that will remain permanently embedded in my mind. I will never forget the night your mother told me not to come in the room when she was trying to get you to sleep, “because he thinks you are just a big play toy.” She will never know how good I felt to know my grandson loved me that much.
As you grew older, and your speech became clearer it was a delight for me to walk into the room and hear you say, “Hi, Gam-ma.” You loved to help me cook, and I will never forget the day we made chocolate chip pancakes together, you were only 2 ˝, but you did a wonderful job. We would play outside in the back yard in the sand pile, or on the floor in your room with your train set. I was your “Gam-ma,” and your friend.
Then came the day for your parents to go to court to decide who you would live with, and instead of fighting to retain custody of you, your mother, and her new husband signed you away. Now you live 3 ˝ hours away, but it might as well be on the other side of the earth as I will never again wake up in the morning to here you say, “Hi, Gam-ma,” and see that beautiful little smile. Never forget Coltyn grandma and grandpa love you dearly, and we are praying we will see you again someday.
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