Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: White (10/29/09)

TITLE: A Day in the Life of Mr. Jim
By Misti Chancellor
10/29/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

A gust of chilly wind swirled crunchy, colorful leaves down the sidewalk ahead of me as I approached the quaint little building at the side of the road.

“Hey, Joe, how’s it coming?” I asked, stopping momentarily to admire the clean, freshly painted exterior.

Joe leaned out from the ladder, a spattering of white freckles dotting his leathery complexion. “Not too bad, Jim. I’ve just got this one side left to finish. Should be right pretty for Sunday morning when everybody shows up.”

“You do realize that you’re a boon to the congregation, right?” I asked Joe. “Not everyone would be willing to give up his time on a Saturday to single-handedly paint the church building. I, for one, greatly appreciate you doing this.”

Joe shrugged sheepishly and slapped paint against the old wood siding. “Glad to do it. I can’t give back in many other ways, but I want to do where I can. Sorry not to jaw with you much, but I gotta keep moving if I’m gonna get this done ‘fore the day’s over.”

“Sure, Joe. I’ll see you in the morning.” I said with a wave, and turned to crunch my way through a swirling tide of leaves to my home.

***

“Jim, that you?” my wife, Betty, hollered from the kitchen as I came in the door.

“Yes, dear,” I replied, poking my head around the corner, and sniffed the delicious smell of stew bubbling on the stove.

“Where’ve you been? I needed you to run some of this stew over to the Wilsons. It’s our night to help provide dinner. Poor things, been shut up all week in that dreary little house. Find out if they’re feeling any better, would you?” she said, putting two jars of stew she’d just wiped down into a basket. A plastic baggie filled with hot buttered rolls went into the basket beside the jars. “Now, here, be careful not to tip that over, and try not to smash the rolls. If you hurry, I’ll have everything on the table when you get back.”

***

Leaves crunched under foot in the fading afternoon light as I carried the basket up the walk to the Wilson’s door. I knocked gently on the sagging screen door, and stepped back to wait. Little Jennie Wilson peeked out the door, “Mama! It’s Mr. Jim… and he’s got a basket. It smells yummy!” She disappeared into the dark recesses of the house briefly and returned dragging a wan Mrs. Wilson by the hand.

“Evening, Mr. Jim. We really appreciate you bring this by for us.”

“Sure, ma’am. How are the husband and kiddos doing today? I see that little Jennie’s doing better. Are the rest of them perking up alright?” I asked, handing the basket over to her.

“They’re some better. I’ll be right glad when this sickness moves on and we’re all back to normal. What we’d do without you and Mrs. Betty keeping us fed this week, I don’t know.”

“We’re glad to help, Mrs. Wilson. You all get to feeling better now. I need to get going. Betty’s waiting on me at home.” I crunched my way down the walk to the car through lazily drifting snowflakes.

***

Hot air blasted out of the car vents and warmed my bones. I flicked on the wipers, smearing the melting snowflakes that left dots of water on the windshield. I pulled into the drive, the headlights playing across the thin layer of white coating the front lawn. I pulled the key from the ignition and headed into the warm house, where a delicious bowl of stew waited for me.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 266 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 11/06/09
This is a lovely, delightful read. Enjoyed going along with Mr. Jim.

A couple suggestions - don't have two characters in a story have names starting with the same letter - it makes it easy for the reader to confuse them.

Also, I'm not sure how on-topic this is. You might want to try to focus on "white" more, rather than just having a few things that are white in the story. Could be just my perceptions, though!

You did a nice job of characterization. Enjoyed this!
Philippa Geaney 11/06/09
I enjoyed your story. It read beautifully.
c clemons11/07/09
As I read this I was waiting for a hook of some kind to make this story go from good to great. But by the end I didn't know who Jim was and why a day in his life should be interesting to me. Overall writing was good but needs more filler.
Lenda Blackmon11/09/09
You did a great job of showing and not telling. I could very clearly see and hear and even smell the scenes. hmm that reminds me, I'm hungry...
Mildred Sheldon11/12/09
This was very enjoyable. Thank you for sharing such a delightful story.