The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 344 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
10/09/09
Vrey Good!
10/10/09
The first half of this was excellent and really drew me in.

I wonder if it'd be more compelling to end with the mother telling Jack what she prayed, and then leaving, for Jack to come to his own realization. If you scrapped the last few paragraphs, you could work more on the opening story, which is excellent. Then you can allow your readers to draw the inevitable conclusion.

Very good writing skills--thanks for this strong entry!
10/11/09
This would make an excellent longer work. Lots of room for expansion and development. And, at the same time, it is a strong, stand alone story as is. Nicely done. One suggestion, where the build up for the story is so much of the story, try to put a little more in the resolution and wrap-up. No question though, this was a very strong piece.
10/13/09
Really thought this was a good solid entry. Hope to be able to enjoy more of this interesting writing from you. Colin
10/14/09
Great message. Wonderful job.
Nice and taughtly written. The prayer of a mother can be very effectual it seems, what happens to the recipient of those prayers depends on his/her own free will. Here, it seems, the MC definitely made the right choice.
10/14/09
Very strong entry. One of those stories which suffers somewhat under the 750 word rule because it seems like, as other commenters have mentioned, there is so much more in the underlying story which would have increased its connection and depth. As a previous commenter mentioned, the story may have benefitted from a little more detail and history on the MC and perhaps less closure. It seemed a little too "neatly" wrapped for the obviously "messed up" MC. Regardless, the writing was very tight and very promising, I look forward to more!
Excellent opening paragraph drawing the reader into the story. I found the story compelling and thoughtfully written.
Very compelling story. Well done.