The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/18/09
This slice of the coach's life still needs a little filler here and there. A fleshing out of the character. Good writing though.
09/19/09
Loved the ending as I realized the full circle of events.
09/21/09
I liked your story. I especially like the "Pat, pat, pat, pat" which keeps the rhythm of the story.
09/24/09
Jason, I had not read this entry until today. I love everything about it. You are a good storyteller offering a special lesson with intrigue and sweetness. I look forward to more of your entries.

Mona
09/24/09
Congratulations on winning with this entry. I, too, will look forward to reading more of your writing.
09/24/09
Congratulations on your first place win! It is a well deserved honor for a great story...loved it! Original and inspiring...good job!
09/24/09
Congratulations on a well deserved win. I loved the "heart" of your main character.
Wow! First in level 2? Awesome! Are you sure God hasn't called you to write? Congrats!

Machele
09/29/09
Congrats on your win! The story was ver well written. I agree, the pat, pat, pat kept the story moving. It took me awhile to connect but I finally got it.