Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Birth (infancy) (08/20/09)

TITLE: Age of Innocence
By Rachel Phelps
08/26/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

My phone buzzed, jolting me out of a fitful sleep. As usual in the dead of night, I was entangled in my sheets, there were police sirens a few blocks over, and my nephew was crying. Don’t tell me she can’t hear that! The miserable thought was directed at my sister, who definitely should have quieted him by now. We both had to be at work early, and little Scott knew exactly the pitch that ensured no sane person would sleep through his wails.

The phone buzzed again, reminding me that my nephew wasn’t the only one to blame for my insomnia. I lunged out from my bed, arm flailing in the general direction of the glowing torturer. A glance at the caller id and I was completely awake.

“Mom?”

“You need to go into the living room. Nicky needs you.”

My mother was nine hours away. How could she possibly know that my sister needed me in the living room before I did? I mumbled something incoherent, trying to solve the riddle.

“She’s having another panic attack, and she called me. She couldn’t talk loud enough to wake you up.”

My left foot was finally free of the sheets. I sat up, pushing the clumped bedding aside. “Okay, I’m going.”

“How’s Scott?”

“Crying.” Mom didn’t deserve the snippy tone, but it was 3:30, according to my phone, and she was handy.

“Take care of him first, then.”

“Mhhhmm.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“Mhhhmm.”

I snapped the phone shut and stumbled across the room to the door, praying Scott would be mollified with his binky. If I could get him calm and Nicky back in bed within half an hour, I still had a good chance of five hours of sleep for the night. The resentment seared through my chest, although I tried to quell it. It just wasn’t fair that my first few months of college-graduated freedom had to be spent taking care of yet another of my sister’s mistakes. I was supposed to be figuring out my own life now that school was over.

Scott had settled into a hiccoughing whimper by the time I made it to his crib. I located his binky –wedged between the crib and the wall – and did a quick swaddle job with his blanket. That, paired with turning his ocean CD back on, seemed to calm him down. That’s right, kid, go back to sleep so your Aunt Rachel can, too.

Nicky was prostrate on the couch, her breathing ragged. Her attacks were usually triggered by dreams of her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s abuse, and came complete with nausea and migraine. This looked like a bad case. I went straight for the frig. A mug of warm milk – not too hot – generally soothed the nausea and got her coherent again.

It was hard, watching my big sister like this. She’d always been the wild one – ready to take on any challenge or adventure. That was why she and I were stuck here. She’d fallen in love with a man who ended up being her worst nightmare come true, and by general consensus of the rest of my family, my graduation provided the perfect opportunity for me to help her get back on her feet. I hadn’t had much say in the matter, a point which seemed childish when watching her try to make a new life from the rubble.

I worked in silence, steadying the mug for her, massaging her back to ease the pain-induced tension, handing her the phone to call Mom to say she was better and thanks for the prayers. I had just rinsed out the mug and was fighting off an extreme wave of sleepiness when we both heard a whimper from the bedroom.

Nicky staggered to her feet, her voice thick. “I’ll get him.”

I had to admit, having Scott had matured her. “No, I’ll go.”

Her look of utter gratitude was piercing. I headed to the bedroom, only to be stopped mid-stride.

“He’ll need a bottle.”

Minutes later I was rocking Scott as he attacked his bottle, humming deep in my chest as Nicky drifted to sleep in her bed beside me. I looked down at my nephew, suddenly struck by how small he was, and how small I felt trying to help this mess. We were all just starting our lives in one way or another; three people in desperate need of help and guidance.

Dear Lord have mercy, who’s the real baby in this house?


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 592 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Mildred Sheldon08/28/09
Life is a puzzle and a learning experience. I thank God that He is in control. In and of myself I can muck up a boxed cake mix but God moves mountains and takes such wonderful care of us. Enjoyed this so much.
Catrina Bradley 08/30/09
You packed a lot of story into so few words. Great characterization, and a creative look at the topic. Great job!
Ada Nett08/31/09
Very believable writing...you have done a great job with this challenge piece.
dub W09/01/09
Very well written. The POV guided the story aptly and hit home as an essay applied to many who had walked the same road. Look for ways to strengthen the opening and this one will go far.
Jan Ackerson 09/02/09
Very creative and very well-written!
Mariane Holbrook09/02/09
A very good job with a very hard subject. Kudos!
Bryan Ridenour09/02/09
Excellent writing. You will be moving up very soon.
Edmond Ng 09/02/09
I like your story. It conveys an emotion deep down that not all things are as smooth as we hope to be, which is almost always true in real life. Yes, we are all so small when faced with so big a task, and it is times such as this that we mature to realize that only by God's grace can we handle big things in life. A well written piece and interesting read.
Ada Nett09/03/09
Congratulations on your first place win!
Deborah Porter 09/03/09
Hi Rachel. I just wanted to leave a quick note to congratulate you on your 1st place win in Level 2, and to let you know you also did extremely well overall, ranking 19th out of all the entries for the week.

Time to move up a level.

If you would like to see the highest rankings for yourself, you can find them here:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=26785

The highest rankings are posted every Thursday evening on the Message Boards.

Anyway, again, well done!

Just a quick reminder about this year’s Page Turner Contest for 500 members. If you have a novel in the works (even just the first chapter), this contest is a must to enter:
http://www.faithwriters.com/myaccount/FaithWriters500/contest-pageturner.php

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)