Her pale skin glistened in the fading moonlight, with damp, clinging curls sweeping across her head and pooling around her ears which were dressed with tiny emeralds. Caroline’s eyes were bright as she skimmed over the room looking for a glimpse of her baby, Sara-Rose. She tilted her body to the right looking in the cradle for her daughter, she was not there. Too weak to call out, Caroline reached over to her nightstand and grabbed the bell, and with a tired thrust back and forth, her mom came running.
“Are you alright, sweetheart?”
Ignoring the question, Caroline quickly asked, “where’s Sara-Rose, mom?”
“Not to worry, honey, she was a bit fussy so I took her downstairs to rock so she wouldn’t wake you.”
“Mom, I want to be woken up, can you bring her back?”
Caroline shifted around trying to half-way sit up; just a bit hard with all the tubes coming in and out of her body, and the nausea still plaguing her. Weak but determined, Caroline welcomed Sara-Rose into her arms. Holding her up close to her face she inhaled the pure, sweet smell of new life. She just couldn’t get enough as she bestowed endless kisses and whispers of devotion in her tiny ears. Tears rolled down Caroline’s cheeks overwhelmed with love that had immediately hit the moment she held her for the first time. Sadden that she could not breast-feed Sara-Rose; Caroline turned her face towards her mom, seeing the obvious deep love she had for them both.
“Mom, could you fix me a bottle for Sara-Rose?”
“Of course, Sweetheart.”
As her mom turned and left, Caroline put her daughter on her shoulder, pushing tubes around to make room. She spoke these words to her daughter…
I love you dear, sweet Sara-Rose,
For you are whom God chose.
He gave you to me for a little while,
You are my daughter…you are MY child.
Kissing her head, she looked up to see her mother shake the bottle of warm milk onto her wrist, and with a sniff her mother said, “I don’t know if that’s tears or milk that I felt, sweetheart.” Smiling she handed Caroline the bottle.
Leaning back into her chair, she just stared at her daughter, remembering the same moment thirty years ago when she fed Caroline with the identical deep devoted love.
The past year had been so emotional, so full of joy at first. Caroline and her husband, Tanner, delivered the news by giving them a huge present.
“Open it Mom and Dad,” she squealed in excitement. Caroline always squealed when she was overjoyed.
Grabbing the ribbon and yanking it while her dad tore the gift wrapping. It was a huge brown box, but the print had been duck-taped covering up the words. Digging into his pocket, dad brought out his trusted pocket-knife that Caroline had seen him use since she was a little girl. With one quick slice, they opened the top and pulled out the latest and most sought-after stroller!
Then they all squealed with excitement (squealing was hereditary) …a B-A-B-Y, their first grandchild. They were thrilled beyond words, for Caroline knew how much her mom loved strolling a baby.
What a wonderful happy time for them all, only it was short-lived. Things weren’t right from the beginning. Blood counts, masses discovered decisions to make. She smiled at her beautiful brave daughter as she thought…
“Oh, God, how can I bear this? Can you take this cup from my daughter? …from me?”
God gently spoke to her soul… “Don’t you know how much I love her…how much I love you? I know how it feels to see your child suffer…to watch your child die…feel my presence, I will carry you.”
Getting up out of the chair, Caroline’s mom walked over to the other side of the bed, crawled in beside her and cradled her daughter who was cradling her own. She stroked her hair, kissed her face…and drew her every feature into her heart, every freckle, every eyelash. She watched as Caroline did the same with her daughter, sketching every detail of Sara-Rose’s delicate features and searing them into her own heart.
Caroline’s eyes grew tired as she held her baby. Sleep fell swiftly upon her. Leaning over, her mom whispered to her own daughter…
I love you dear, sweet Caroline,
For God chose you to be mine.
He gave you to me for a little while,
You are my daughter…You are MY child.
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