The Official Writing Challenge
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I loved this story. It was such a delight to read. Keep up the good work.
08/26/09
Well described. Very nicely done.
08/27/09
Excellent job! I felt like I was there in the cabin with them. Your descriptions of the scenes were very vivid.
08/29/09
Congratulations on the fine entry and the highly commended award. The standard of this challenge level really surprised me. I liked the way you compare her thoughts to a sewing machine Thoughts clicking along. Very good. You also nailed the setting topic and genre I could only find three things that you might want to look at for improvement. And one is really picky.
1) Watch for passive writing. Strong verbs are preferable (This is the picky thing)

2) I felt the story a little unrealistic. They are newly married, love each other to bits, are obviously still in the honeymoon period, are alone, and spend their time reading the bible and playing checkers???
What is wrong with this picture? I don't know what the rules are for the inclusion of sex here, but it should never be avoided. There are ways it can be done tastefully. Song of songs is actually in the word of God.

3) This brings me to the last thing, no conflict. The branch on the cabin doesn't count because the thing didn't lead the characters to make a decision. Everything seemed a little too perfect. And in fiction perfect characters = boring story. You can probably get away with it here because this is flash, but this kind of thing is fatal in a novel or short story. Anyway. I hope I've helped. If you feel my comments are too harsh, then feel free to ignore anything I say. LOL